


A week of Castiel Novak's new life

by Bellawritesfiction



Series: Castiel Novak [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Time, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Intrigue, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-17 14:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellawritesfiction/pseuds/Bellawritesfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is sort of a sequel to “The birth of Jim 'Castiel' Novak II”</p><p>Castiel lost his grace. Dean finds him and brings him to the bunker. Dean, Sam, Kevin and Castiel has to stay there until Sam is better. The first night Cas crawls into Dean's bed because of a misunderstanding(?). Dean let him stay and everything's peachy until....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confusion

When Castiel woke up in the morning he felt rested and comfortable. He was alone in bed but it didn't worry him much.

He stretched out on the bed and yawned. It was still fairly early and Cas was somewhat bothered by the fact that he was unable to detect where Dean was at the moment. He knew he had to get used to it. He had to get used to not having angel-mojo anymore.

He rolled himself out of bed and padded across the floor. When he opened the door Cas could hear music from the living area and Dean's voice singing along. He smiled to himself as he quickly ran to the bathroom to take a leak.

Castiel wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to take a shower now. He'd really enjoyed the feeling of the hot streaming water and wanted to feel it again. He figured he should probably ask. There could be rules to this that he was not familiar with.

It was a little chilly in the hall so he practically ran towards the sound of Dean's voice.

A small chuckle made him turn to the couch. Kevin was covering his eyes and Cas could see that the boy was trying not to laugh out loud.

He had no time to ponder over what was so funny. His skin was prickling and what they called goosebumps appeared as he continued towards the kitchen where he could hear Dean.

The guy was facing the counter obviously busy making breakfast. Dean startled a little when Cas cleared his throat and he threw a quick glace over his shoulder. Then he turned back to the counter and sighed heavily before he looked at Cas again.

"That is not cool." He rubbed his forehead before he let his fingers run through his hair. "You have to get dressed."

Castiel looked down on his naked body before he lifted his head again. "I wanted to take a shower." He shrugged a little. "Getting dressed beforehand would just be a waste of time."

Dean's eyes fell shut and he took a deep breath. "Okay?" He opened his eyes again and Castiel could see that he tried to avoid looking straight at him. "So take a shower." Their eyes met for a brief moment. "And get dressed."

Castiel was surprised by the tone of Dean's voice and wondered what was wrong. He took a couple of steps towards him and reached his hand out to touch his cheek. Dean jumped back and bumped into the counter. "Hmpf." He grabbed Castiel's forearm to stop the movement. "NO!"

Dean pushed away from the counter with the other hand and dragged Cas through the kitchen. As they passed Kevin the boy was unable to conceal that he was amused by the sight. "Are you gonna teach him a less..." The sentence got cut short. "Shut up." Dean practically barking it out.

Inside Dean's room he let go of Cas' arm. "I'm sorry, but you can't just stroll around naked." He picked up Castiel's clothes from the floor and threw them at him. "Take a shower or whatever and put something on."

Castiel could not understand why Dean was so disturbed and – if he didn't misunderstand – angry about this. He looked down at the clothes in his arms and tried to think of something to say.

A heavy sigh from Dean made him look up again. Dean threw his hands out. "Cas' I, I. We have to keep it a secret. I mean that you slept in here. With me."

Castiel furrowed his brows. "Uh, why?" He had no idea what that had to do with him being naked at the moment and was about to ask when Dean turned to exit the room. "Trust me, it's for the best." The tone of his voice was still somewhat sharp but Cas never got the chance to find out why before Dean had left.

Castiel stared at the closed door. "Why? Why is Dean acting like that?" he thought, remembering the good feeling he got when they were cuddled up in bed together. "I wonder what's wrong." Castiel could feel his lip tremble a little and he worried that he'd start crying. He didn't understand that either.

For a moment he hated those human emotions that popped up like a Jack-in-the-box on a random basis. Anger and fright was easy to understand. The rest of these emotions was just weird.

Castiel decided to take a shower and deal with whatever came along later.

When he came back to the living room Dean was ready to give Kevin a piece of his mind if the boy as much as opened his mouth. Turned out that the stare he threw towards the couch was enough to shut the boy up and made him hurry to pretend he was reading.

Dean went into the kitchen and continued preparing breakfast. He'd woke up next to Castiel this morning with a serious boner in his boxers and it freaked him out a little. The urge to rub himself up against the naked body next to him was overwhelming but he fought it and crawled out of bed without disturbing Castiel.

The memories from the last twenty four hours bothered him greatly. He tried to explain his own lack of judgment to the fact that he's been exhausted and tired.

Dean had several ideas in his head on how he could have handled all of this. When he woke up in the middle of the night wrapped around Cas he'd almost freaked out. He had no idea what had happened. It felt so natural and comfortable but he'd forced those thought away and snuck out of bed.

He'd left the room to get a drink but shortly after he'd gone back to Castiel and crawled under the covers again. That was a mistake. He'd thought he could pretend that he never was out of there but Cas was awake. The vague memory of a quick kiss added to the embarrassment. "How could it have happened?" Dean thought seeing the list of mistakes grow in his mind.

The fact that Castiel had announced that the two of them belonged together was also disturbing. Dean knew that both Sam and Kevin had overheard him and he pondered about how he could do some damage control. Not only would they tease the shit out of him but he didn't want them to encourage Cas either.

Dean knew that he would probably have to talk to Cas about it. He didn't want the former angel to get upset but there was probably no way around it.

He set the table for four hoping that Sam was better. His brother had practically slept the whole time since the trials. Sam hadn't seemed too bad the few times he'd spent out of bed and he'd improved a lot since they came back to the bunker.

When he got the call to pick up Castiel he'd been worried. He wasn't sure he could leave Sam behind with Kevin. Eventually it was Sam himself that had forced Dean to go before he practically passed out.

Dean couldn't hear the shower as he padded towards Sam's room. Castiel was probably getting dressed and Dean wondered if he should deal with the angel first. He had no idea what to say though.

"Dean? What's the matter?" The sound of Castiel's voice made Dean's heart skip a beat. He turned abruptly and was about to throw out a quick comment but the expression on Cas' face made him squirm. The guy was dressed now and he looked perfectly adorable in his new jeans and a way too big t-shirt turned inside out. His blue eyes were wide open and he was clearly bothered by the situation.

Dean had to close his eyes for a second and take a deep breath before he managed to meet those innocent blue orbs again. The words got stuck in his throat. When Cas stepped forward and touched his arm he was about to push the hand away but was unable to.

"You have to teach me how to behave. I don't want to upset you. I love you." There was a slight tremble in Castiel's voice and Dean had to fight the urge to embrace him. Instead he stepped back to avoid Cas' hand. "Don't. Don't touch me. Personal space. You have no clue do you?" The words came out a little more harsh than he intended and Castiel's hand fell down. The guy's eyes started to fill up with tears and Dean had to look away. He felt bad about it but knew he had to establish some distance. "I'll explain later. Breakfast is ready. I'll get Sam."

Sam noticed the gloomy mood in the kitchen as soon as he stepped inside. This was the first time after the trials that he was able to get around unsupported and he'd hoped that someone would notice and comment on it.

Dean had come to get him but Sam had told him that he'd try to get to the kitchen on his own. When he managed he'd hoped to get some kudos but it seemed like everybody was indulged in their own thoughts.

He sat down a little disappointed. "Did someone die?" he asked with a cheerful voice. "Or are you guys just hit by cabin fever?"

Kevin looked up from his plate and let his eyes travel between Dean and Cas before he looked at Sam and then he shrugged his shoulders a little. He gave Sam a humorless smile and concentrated on his food again.

Sam turned to Castiel. He was pushing the food around on his plate with a fork and seemed to be lost in thoughts. Sam turned his eyes towards his brother. Dean was sitting at the end of the table shoving scrambled eggs into his mouth.

"So did you all sleep well?" Again Sam tried to lighten the mood. He gave Dean a bright smile. "Me? I slept like a baby." Dean mumbled something with food in his mouth and Sam chuckled a little. "Didn't get that. You shouldn't talk with your mouth full."

Sam noticed that Cas gave Dean a quick peek before the guy shrunk in his seat and closed his eyes. Something was seriously wrong. Suddenly Sam remembered Castiel's words from last night. He'd been adamant about sleeping in Dean's room. It had obviously not gone according to plan.

Sam was not ready to let this be. If they were going to stay in the bunker together for an extended period of time they had to get along. "Cas? I'm sorry to bring it up, but I told you..." The sound of Dean clearing his throat made Sam shut his mouth and turn to his brother again.

Dean threw him a piercing look and got up from the table. "Shut up, shut the fuck up." He grabbed his plate and practically threw it on the counter before he stomped out of the kitchen.

Sam followed him with his eyes and then he turned back to the others. "Okay. Something happened. Can you guys please fill me in?"

Castiel was still playing with his food and didn't look up. "I think it's my fault. But I don't know what's wrong." There was a sadness to his voice that Sam had never experienced before. Last night Castiel had been almost cheerful in spite of what had happened to him. Now it sounded like he was in mourning.

If Dean had freaked out about Cas coming into his room he'd probably handled it the way Dean handled difficult situations. With anger. Sam decided to have a word with his brother. He finished his food and pushed away from the table. "You guys can clean up. I'll talk to Dean." He didn't wait for confirmation he just left.

Sam didn't knock. He barged into Dean's room and disregarded his brothers protests. He sat down on a chair and folded his arms across his chest. "What did you say to him?" When Dean looked at him puzzled Sam continued. "When he came in here last night. What did you do?"

Dean seemed to be slightly uncomfortable with the question and he sighed heavily. "Nothing, I said nothing." Sam rolled his eyes. "So he slept in here? With you?" Sam had to force down a chuckle knowing that it wouldn't go around well at the moment.

Dean shook his head vigorously. "NO!" He turned away quickly as he uttered the single word. Sam squinted his eyes. He was obviously on the right path to understand Castiel's sadness. He threw out the next question without hesitation. "So where did he sleep?"

Now Dean got up from his bed and started pacing back and forth. "Uh, he, I." He covered his face with his hands and slumped back down on the bed. "Fuck you. I, he. Okay."

When Sam noticed that Dean was blushing he suddenly came to a realization. He tried to meet Dean's eyes. "He did sleep in here and you let him." Sam shook his head. "You let him sleep here in your bed and now you're embarrassed."

Sam could see that Dean was about to burst but he couldn't let this go. "You cuddled up with your angel voluntarily. That's not his fault. At least you have to apologize. And explain yourself."

Dean was quick. Before Sam had a chance to react he was forced up from the chair when Dean grabbed the front of his shirt. With Dean's face inches from his Sam could see the anger in his brother's eyes. "You, you. If you weren't sick I would punch you."

Sam tried to get out of the grip but Dean held on and moved even closer. "I was sleeping. I didn't know what happened. The guy overstepped some boundaries." He let go and pushed Sam back in the chair. "He should apologize to me."

Sam had gotten a little dizzy from the treatment and had to take a moment before he slowly got up from the chair. "So explain it to him in an orderly fashion. Castiel must have misunderstood something. Now he's just confused. And sad," he added with a sigh

When he reached the door he turned slightly. "I could explain it for you if you don't want to do it yourself." Dean was about to charge at him again but stopped short in the middle of the floor. "No, you are not gonna explain a thing. I'll take care of it. Don't even talk to him about it."

"Why did I go back to him?" Dean asked himself as soon as Sam had left. He knew he would probably have to talk to Castiel about it at one point, but he wanted to postpone it for as long as possible.

To avoid joining the others Dean decided to fix up the third bedroom. It had two single beds with a small table between. A chest of drawers on the left from the door was big enough to fit both Kevin's and Castiel's clothes.

He dug out a couple of blankets, sheets and pillows from the closet in the hall and made both beds. Kevin and Cas just had to share a room for the time being. They would probably not mind. Anyway Kevin had pretty much camped on the couch since he came so if he wasn't into sharing he could just sleep there.

When Dean eventually went to the living quarters to get a drink all three of his roommates looked up from what they were doing. Sam was sitting at the table with the laptop while Kevin and Cas was on the couch examining the Angel tablet.

Dean walked passed them and grabbed a beer from the kitchen before he went and picked a book from the library. "I've fixed the beds for you two in the spare room." He threw the words to Kevin and Cas as he passed them before he without waiting for a reply hurried towards his own room again.

Dean closed the door and sat on the bed with his back rested against the headboard. He uncapped the beer and opened the book. He didn't want to think about what was happening at the moment. Not about what was happening outside of the bunker – with the fallen angels – and definitely not about what went on inside.

A quick knock on the door made him look up. He didn't want anybody in there, but before he got a chance to say anything the door opened slowly.

Castiel noticed that both Kevin and Sam looked at him with concern. Their expression told him that they knew more than they let out. Cas was pretty sure that they knew why he was so sad. He would have wanted to ask them about it. The reason he didn't was that Dean had told him not to mention it.

The only thing left was to go to the source. He had to ask Dean directly. Cas didn't want to feel like this. It was like a physical pain in his gut. Where he last evening had a joyful and fluttery feeling he now felt like he'd eaten sharp rocks.

Cas waited till he heard Dean's door close before he got up from the couch. Kevin was sitting behind him so he couldn't see the boys reaction but Sam almost jumped out of his seat. Cas lifted his hand to stop him and Sam shook his head. "Good luck." He whispered throwing a quick peek at Kevin. Castiel just nodded and walked on.

He gave Dean's door a gentle knock and waited what seemed to be an appropriate time before he slowly opened it.

Dean was sitting on the bed and looked somewhat relaxed. His eyes widened slightly and for a moment there was a hint of panic in them. Castiel closed the door and leaned on it. "I'm sorry for whatever I did to upset you. I'm sorry."

Dean bent his head down and shook it. "Cas, I, I. You didn't do anything. It's me. I'm a jerk." Castiel pushed away from the door and started to walk towards Dean. Dean closed his eyes and lifted his hand as if he was about to wave but he just held it there showing Cas his palm. Cas understood that sign. He stopped in the middle of the floor. "There's a feeling in my stomach that I don't like. It makes me sad." He had to clench his teeth in order to compose himself.

Dean scoffed. "Really it's probably the other way around. You're sad and it gives you bad feelings." Cas took a deep breath. "Sorry, but does it matter? I don't want to feel like this."

Dean got up from the bed and approached him. "I see. But there's nothing I can do. You just have to deal with it." He patted Cas' shoulder. "I will pass. Just, I mean if we don't talk about it it will go away."

Castiel couldn't help himself. With Dean so close he grabbed on to the guy's sleeve and leaned his head on his shoulder. "But Dean, we, we. I think if you hold me it will go away." He wasn't quite sure if that was correct but Dean's hand on his shoulder loosened the knot in his gut a little.

A hand came around his waist and Dean tugged him closer. Castiel relaxed into the embrace and soon the fluttery feeling from yesterday was back. "Thank you, Dean." Cas moved his hand up to Dean's jaw and lifted his head to meet his eyes.

It surprised him to see that Dean looked like he was in physical pain. Cas stroke his cheek. "This is good. I love you." As he uttered the words Dean pulled away abruptly. "NO, Cas. This is wrong." He walked over to the nightstand and grabbed the beer bottle. "You have to go."

With his back turned towards Cas Dean took a swig from the bottle. Castiel could hear that he was breathing heavily before he cleared his throat. "Get out of my room." The words came out as a whisper but they hit Cas like a knife to his gut. He walked slowly backwards. "Dean I, we, I love..." He almost choked when Dean interrupted him.

"There's no WE. GET OUT!"


	2. Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drama between Dean and Castiel escalates. Sam is trying to do some damage control and Kevin is seriously bored.
> 
> Dean gets a lead on the fallen angels but other issues blurs his view.

Castiel came back from Dean's room looking like shit. He didn't say a word and Sam watched him as he walked over to the chair where his new clothes were stacked. He tried to pick them all up at once but he had to give up and with some of them in his arms he walked away again. It didn't take long before he was back for the rest.

Sam wondered what was going on but decided to wait it out and see. Less than fifteen minutes later Cas appeared again and he walked straight to the library. With a stack of books he passed Sam and Kevin before he disappeared down the hall.

Sam and Kevin exchanged a puzzled look. "Is he going to Dean, you think?" Kevin lifted his brow and smiled tentatively. Sam shook his head. "Honestly? I don't know,but I think, not." Sam had noticed that Castiel seemed even sadder now and he blamed Dean.

Sam loved his brother. There was never any doubt about that but he knew that Dean could be a little short tempered and abrupt. He'd probably not explained himself in an orderly fashion as Sam suggested. Diplomacy was not one of Dean's strongest suits.

Sam didn't know how well adapted Castiel was to his new life either. It had only been a little more than a day since his grace was taken away and there were probably a few things the former angel didn't understand yet.

It was pretty damn clear that he didn't understand the difference between love and love. The profound bond that Angel-Cas and Dean shared on a more spiritual level before had obviously been transformed into something else for Castiel now when he was a human.

Sam suspected that their guardian angel had fallen head over heels in love with his brother as soon as those emotions were available to him. Since Castiel was unfamiliar with human feelings Sam hoped that given time Cas would understand the difference. In the meantime someone had to do some damage control.

That someone was not going to be Dean. Sam threw a quick glance at Kevin and decided that a teenager was definitely not going to handle it very well either. Sam had really known it all along. There was no way around this. He himself had to mediate between the two of them before someone got seriously hurt.

Sam didn't feel up to it. He was still a little under the weather and could definitely need a couple of hours of sleep now but for the sake of his family he had to step up.

He closed the laptop and got up from his chair. "I'll try to fix this." He said it more to himself but Kevin mumbled something in response. "What?" Sam looked at him. Kevin shook his head. "It's like being back in school. Cas acts like a lovestruck teenager."

-v-v-v-

Castiel had to open a few doors before he found the room that was supposed to be his an Kevin's. After that he'd went to get his clothes. He'd put them on the bed not knowing what to do with them until he spotted the dresser by the door.

Cas folded the clothes nicely and put them into the top drawer. They could barely fit in there but he managed to squeeze most of them in anyway. The only thing left was the leather jacket. Cas looked at it before he hung it over the back of the one chair they had in there.

The room was pretty spartan. Except for the two beds and the dresser there was that one chair next to a desk. Between the beds there was a small table. The walls were barren and the lamps above the beds was the only light sources.

Castiel went to the library to get some books. He'd decided to stay in this room for as long as it took to get rid of the feelings that bothered him. He knew that he was unfamiliar with these human emotions and trusted Dean when he said they would go away by themselves.

He hoped it would happen soon. For a brief moment he wished that Metatron had just killed him. Anything would be better than this. Cas slumped down on the bed and cried silently.

He startled when the door opened. Sam slipped inside and closed the door behind him. "My brother is an idiot. We can fix this." He walked over to the other bed and sat down. "Dean was probably just freaked out about finding you in his bed."

Cas wasn't sure what to say. Dean had asked him not to discuss it with anybody but he felt an urge to explain. "But he came back. He, he held me."

Sam's face scrunched up. "What? Came back? What are you talking about?" Castiel sniffled a little. "It scared him that I was there but he came back." Cas' eyes met his and Sam leaned forward resting his hands on his thighs. "Came back?" Sam repeated. "What?"

Castiel felt embarrassed. Dean didn't want him to talk about this but he couldn't help himself. "I lied down with him and when he woke up he left me." He paused briefly clearing his throat. "But then he came back."

The look on Sam's face was hard to decipher. The guy looked up into the ceiling and huffed. "He came back? He got into bed with you again?" Now Sam's eyes were fixed on his and Cas nodded tentatively. "Yeah? Why are you staring at me like that?"

It took a while before Sam replied. He leaned back a little and rubbed his eyes. "So you're saying that Dean came back to you and slept the rest of the night there with you?" Sam rolled his eyes when Cas nodded. "Yes. And he kissed me goodnight."

Sam almost fell over and Cas was about to get up to help but he was waved off. "I'm fine, I'm fine. You serious?" Sam let out a small chuckle but he didn't seem amused. "Dean kissed you? Like, huh?"

Cas lifted his hand and pointed to his forehead. "Here." Cas moved his hand down to his mouth. "And here." The expression on Sam's face shifted from curiosity to what seemed to be disbelief. Castiel wasn't quite sure. He didn't really care either. He was more concerned by the fact that he'd disregarded Dean's wish to keep it a secret.

"You wouldn't lie about this would you?" Sam's eyes met his. "Sorry, I believe you, it's just." He shook his head and closed his eyes briefly. "No wonder Dean is a little freaked out."

He got up from the bed and headed for the door. "I'll talk to him. We can fix this, right?" Cas shook his head vigorously. "No, no you can't. He asked me not to tell anybody. He'll get angry with me."

Sam had reached the door now and he turned towards Cas. "Trust me, it can't be worse than it is now but." He sighed heavily. "But if you prefer to talk to him yourself I'll stay out of it."

Cas gave it a quick thought. "I, I don't know. Can you wait? Give it a few hours."

Sam nodded. "Okay. A few hours. Okay." As he exited the room he gave Castiel a smile. "Hang in there, buddy. We'll fix it."

As soon as Sam had left Castiel fetched the jacket and went back to lie down on the bed. Dean had bought this for him. A jacket almost similar to the one Dean was using. He stroke the soft leather until he started to doze off.

-v-v-v-

Kevin was seriously bothered by the current events. They were all supposed to try to figure out what happened last night when the angels fell. Now he felt like he was in a middle of a romantic drama.

He couldn't care less about Dean and Cas' relationship. If they had a thing – okay it was slightly disturbing but – it shouldn't concern anyone else but the two of them. Kevin tried to concentrate on the tablet. The last day and a half he'd done nothing but watch TV and lounge on the couch and it started to get boring.

A sound made him look up and he watched Dean cross the floor heading for the kitchen. Moments later he was back. "Where's the others?" He sounded distraught as he let his eyes travel around the room.

"Oh, they are having a heart to heart somewhere in here." Kevin couldn't help himself. He gave Dean a crocked smile before he continued. "Sam was concerned and wanted to have a word with your boyfriend."

Dean scrunched his face and something that sounded like a growl escaped his throat. "Is this a conspiracy? You guys have it out for me?" Kevin noticed that Dean clenched his fists and worried for a second that he'd get a serious beating.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. It's just." He kept an eye on Dean's hands and as soon as they weren't fisted anymore he continued. "Can't you guys just resolve this. It's depressing here with all this drama." He looked around the bunker. "It's depressing enough in here in the first place without the two of you adding to it."

Dean slumped down on the couch next to Kevin and rubbed his forehead. "I know. I'll fix it. Castiel misunderstood a few things but I shouldn't blame him. He's new to this life." He threw Kevin a quick glance. "Can we not talk about it. Let's do something constructive instead."

He got up and picked the cellphone out of his pocket. "We should probably make some calls. Check up on some of the other hunters." He walked away while scrolling through his contacts. "Should go and get some more booze too. You guys. I thought I'd have it for myself but if you all are gonna drink I need to get some more."

Kevin tried to protest but Dean just scoffed. "Seriously. You think I'm stupid. You had your share too, I know."

-v-v-v-

 

Dean was happy that he was able to leave the bunker from time to time. He felt a little sorry for the others but he knew it was much safer for them to stay inside.

Castiel could be a target since he was partially responsible for the event and if the tablet contained any information on this Kevin wasn't safe either. Being the only one who could possibly decipher the text, Metatron could have an eye out for him.

Dean pulled over when he spotted a newsstand. "It was a message from God." The headline of a story in a local newspaper was impossible to miss. It looked like the editor had pulled out the largest fonts that could fit on the page.

Dean jumped out of the car and picked up a paper throwing the loose change he had in his pocket onto the counter. The clerk nodded and pushed a few coins back but Dean was already deep into the story and just shook his head.

A local man, Mr Johnston – obviously a poacher – had been in the forest at night very close to where what he thought was a meteor hit. He'd ran to the site but couldn't find evidence that anything actually landed.

The grass was flattened as if an animal had lied there and a weird glow had encircled the spot. It didn't take long until the forest was pitch black again but the guy swore he hadn't imagined it all.

"I believe God tried to send me a message but missed me by a a few yards." Mr Johnston was quoted to have said. Dean chuckled. "Bad aim on that God," he thought walking towards the Impala.

The story continued on page four and Dean got into the car before he opened the paper and read on.

"I was so close that when this thing hit the ground I expected to feel the shock-wave. The weirdest thing was that I almost didn't hear a sound. It was only just like a swoosh."

"A swoosh?" The journalist had asked and Mr Johnston had tried to explain what he meant. Dean was pretty sure that for most people on the planet this guy would sound like a nut-job. He skimmed through the rest of the article and was about to toss the paper into the back seat when another headline caught his eyes.

A young girl had vanished from a holding cell at the police station. An officer stated that he heard some commotion and when he peeked in he found the cell empty.

They'd had a problem with the security cameras that night so there were no footage of the disappearance. The captain suspected that one of the other officers had let her go. He promised a full investigation and mentioned that the girl had been picked up on a D&D charge and was put in a cell to sleep it off. "It's not like we put a hardened criminal out on the streets."

Dean interpreted this his own way. The angel had fallen and had found himself – or herself – a willing vessel in the joint. That probably meant that they were still angels. That they didn't lose their grace the way Castiel had done.

Or – Dean thought – it was all Metatron's doing. He'd provided them with vessels so they could live on the earth like humans and share their stories with him when they died. Castiel hadn't revealed too much about what happened when his grace was taken away but that part about Metatron wanting stories he'd mentioned briefly.

Some of these angels had probably been on earth before and then their human vessels would be available to them as soon as they landed. But for the others it was probably crucial to find one fast.

Dean wasn't quite sure about how it worked and wanted to ask Cas. He sighed heavily to himself as he pulled away from the curb to drive to the liquor-store. He couldn't ask Castiel about anything until he'd fixed the small but delicate problem between them.

 

-v-v-v-

"He left," Kevin uttered. He probably figured that Sam was looking for his brother. "Left? To go where?" Sam got a little worried but Kevin gave him a quick smile. "To get some booze. I'm sure he won't be long."

Sam sat down by the table and fired up the laptop. "How was he? I mean. Did he seem, uh, normal?" He threw Kevin a glance before he turned to the computer again. Kevin seemed to give it a thought. "Well, I don't know. He was a little on the edge I think, but he calmed down. Said something about fixing it with Cas. The angel had obviously misunderstood something."

Sam scoffed. "Yeah right. I should probably not say anything but if there was a misunderstanding it was all Dean's fault." He closed the laptop again and yawned. "I think I need a little rest before I continue the research." He chuckled a little. "It's tough shit being social worker."

Kevin looked at him as he got up from the chair again. "How's Castiel doing? Is he? Oh, fuck, sorry. Is he really in love with your brother?" Sam tried to avoid Kevin's stare. He wasn't sure if he should tell the boy about his own theory. "I think maybe, maybe Castiel is a little confused and Dean definitely didn't make it easier for him."

Kevin leaned back on the couch again. "If you say so. Personally I think it's mutual." He grabbed the angel tablet and let his finger run over it. "And Dean is the one who is confused."

Sam decided not to comment. He worried that Kevin could be on the right path but that would just be too freaked out. Dean – the womanizer – falling in love with a guy. Sam shook his head. He didn't want to talk about this. "I'm going to get some sleep. Keep an eye on things, will you."

Kevin nodded. "Sure. Just leave me. The company around here is way too crazy. I was better off alone on the houseboat."

Sam turned to him. "I'm sorry you feel like that, but look at it this way. It can only go up from here." He tried to give the guy a smile but he knew it didn't reach his eyes. Kevin scoffed. "That's what I thought when my mom died, but you know."

He got up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen. "You know, one of my teachers divorced his wife and got together with a guy. He was in his forties. It's possible."

Sam startled by the sudden change of topic but he composed himself quickly. "Seriously, I know my brother. This is different. It's not possible, it can't be." He could hear Kevin humming a little tune as he opened the fridge. "Everything is possible. You of all people should know that. You died for crying out loud." He came back with a beer in his hand. "You lost your soul and got it back. I'm not comparing but..." He slumped down on the couch again. "Everything is possible."

-v-v-v-

Dean came back and carried his purchases into the kitchen. He'd left the newspaper in the car. He didn't want Cas to get any ideas. If anyone was going to track down this maybe-angel Dean would have to do it alone.

He wondered where the others were and walked down the hall towards his room. He could hear the shower running but other than that it was disturbingly quiet.

He opened the door to Sam's room and saw his brother on the bed sleeping. Dean wanted to check on Castiel too but hesitated outside the door. He tried to listen for a sound. Castiel could possibly be in the shower or in the library.

Dean took a deep breath before he gave the door a quick knock. There were no response so he turned the knob slowly and opened the door. Castiel was on the bed with his arms wrapped around the leather jacket. It looked like he was sleeping so Dean withdrew and was about to close the door when he heard Cas' voice. "Dean? Is that you?" It was just a whisper coming from the bed and Dean wanted to pretend he didn't hear it.

"Just making sure everyone is okay. Go back to sleep." He whispered back. "I'll come and get you when food's on the table." He hoped that Cas couldn't hear the little tremble in his voice. "I'm not sleeping. And I'm not hungry." Castiel sounded so sad that Dean felt his heart sink. This was his fault.

Dean wanted to rush in there and embrace the guy. He wanted to rock him in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be alright. "I'm sorry to hear that, but maybe you change your mind later. I'll be back." He gave Cas a crooked smile but wasn't sure if Cas could even see it from his position.

"NO! Don't come back. I don't want you in here." Cas almost screamed it out. "You tricked me. You made me believe that, that..." His voice faded and Dean could see that he wiped his eyes. "I will stay here until, until I, hmm. Until I don't love you anymore. GO!"

Dean got out and closed the door. Then he sunk down on the floor. He could feel tears pressing on in his eyes and squeezed them shut until the feeling went away. He felt sick to his stomach and cursed at himself for being such a girl.

When he eventually got up he headed directly for the kitchen. There he grabbed the whiskey bottle he'd just bought. He went to his room and slammed the door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little disturbing even for me and I know where this is going. I think.  
> Suggestions are welcomed.  
> Hope you enjoyed that. Ch3 is on the way.


	3. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More drama ahead. Dean has an epiphany but it doesn't help much.

"You tricked me." Kevin could hear Castiel's voice through the bathroom door. He said something else that was impossible to make out before he screamed. "GO!"

The hall was quiet for a long time and Kevin was about to exit the bathroom when he heard footsteps. He didn't dare to move and decided to wait a bit longer. A few minutes later a door slammed shut and it was quiet again.

Kevin snuck out of the bathroom and tiptoed through the hall. He didn't want to be caught in the middle of this love drama between Castiel and Dean.

He looked at the couch and figured that he could sleep there but the promise of a proper bed was intriguing.

It was still early and Kevin didn't feel like going to bed yet but he wanted to check out his new digs.

He picked up his belongings – including the new clothes that Dean bought – and with determination he walked up to the door leading to the room that he and Cas was supposed to share.

He hesitated for a second before he entered – he didn't bother to knock, it was after all his room also – and got hit by a shoe. "What the..." It didn't hurt but he dropped his load from the shock and surprise.

Castiel jumped out of bed and came towards him. "I'm so sorry. I thought..." He looked really embarrassed and Kevin just waved him off. "Don't worry. I didn't get hurt. But seriously?"

Kevin picked up his things from the floor and dumped them on the bed he assumed was his. "Maybe we should make a secret signal so you know it's me. I mean, unless it was me you wanted to hit?"

Cas was still standing in the middle of the floor looking sad. "No, I didn't want to hit you. I thought it was..." Instead of mentioning Dean's name – Kevin knew that Cas had expected it to be Dean – a little whimper came out.

Kevin wasn't quite sure if he wanted to share a room with a depressed gay angel – former angel – and he wondered if he should just crash on the couch anyway. "Castiel, I understand that there are some unresolved issues between you two, but..." He sighed. "You have to get over it. This is depressing."

Castiel padded over to his own bed again and sat down. "I don't know how to do that." He fiddled a little with the sleeve of the leather jacket. "I thought he, I know he loves me, but he wants it to go away."

Kevin pushed his things to the side and sat down too. "He's just scared." He shook his head. "He's never thought of himself as queer." Kevin gave Cas a tentative smile. "Maybe he'll come around if you're patient."

There was a little sparkle in Cas' eyes. "Do you think so?" He looked at Kevin with disbelief. "I want him to be happy. I want to be happy. Do you think it's possible?"

Kevin felt a little uncomfortable. Who was he to say. "I don't know. Maybe. Or maybe not." He gave it a quick thought. "Just try to make him happy. Be nice. Don't throw shoes at him. Apologize."

Castiel furrowed his brow. "For what? I don't know what I did wrong?" Kevin shrugged a little. "Doesn't matter. You just need to boost his confidence. I think Dean needs that."

-v-v-v-

Sam woke up and hurried to the bathroom. Even though he'd slept for several hours he still felt a little under the weather. The trials had taken a toll on him. Sam admitted it to himself as he entered their living area.

He had expected to find the others in there but it was empty and quiet. "Where are they?" he thought as he padded across the floor and peeked into the library.

Looking at the time Sam had expected to find Dean in the kitchen preparing a meal. His brother had proved to be a decent cook – which had surprised Sam greatly – but he was nowhere to be seen.

A noise from the hall made him turn and he could see Kevin coming towards him. "Where's everybody? And where's food? I'm hungry."

Kevin walked towards him shaking his head. "If you need food you have to make it yourself." He seemed somewhat cheerful but underneath Sam could spot a hint of annoyance.

Sam squinted and rubbed his chin. "Something's up?" He took a step to the side to hinder Kevin to get to the couch. "You have to tell me. Is it the love-drama?"

Kevin stopped in front of Sam and sighed heavily. "Why am I a part of this. Why am I even here?" He looked up at Sam with a pained expression on his face. "If it's true that I'm a prophet of the Lord I shouldn't be tangled into this."

Sam knew what Kevin was referring to and he could perfectly well understand his point. "We have to stay here together until we know..." He stepped to the side to let Kevin pass. "But I'm sorry that you got dragged into this, this, oh, what you called it? A love-drama."

Kevin seized the opportunity and practically jumped onto the couch. "They don't want to talk to each other. I shouldn't care but unfortunately, I do!"

Sam looked at Kevin and made a quick decision. "Let's make something to eat. You have to help me."

-v-v-v-

Kevin was pretty clueless in the kitchen. He knew how to make sandwiches and how to heat up leftovers but actual cooking was not his forte. Sam had some experience but he wasn't really chef-material either.

They checked out a few cookbooks but couldn't find all ingredients for any of the recipes in there. "Dean would have just faked it and used something else."Sam sighed and rubbed his forehead. "What do you think he's doing? We could get him."

Kevin widened his eyes and shook his head. "I don't think so. He slammed the door so hard that the whole bunker rattled." That didn't actually happen. The place was solid enough. Sam lifted a brow. "Sure it did." He shrugged a little. "But okay, we'll figure it out."

They found a couple of cans of chili and decided it would be the easiest. "You think it's enough for four people?" Kevin asked as he opened the cans and dumped the contents into a saucepan. "It doesn't look like much."

Sam scrunched his face. "You're right. Maybe we can cook some rice." He searched through the cupboards and picked out a box. "I'll make the rice. You stir the chili."

It didn't take long for the chili to be ready and while Sam kept an eye on the rice Kevin volunteered to find out if the others wanted something to eat.

He hesitated a little outside of Dean's door before he opened it without knocking. Dean was spread out on the bed with an almost empty whiskey bottle in his hand. Kevin cleared his throat to try to get a reaction. He didn't dare to walk over to the bed.

Dean shifted a little and the bottle fell to the floor. Some whiskey spilled and Kevin tiptoed over and put the bottle on the nightstand before he snuck out of the room again.

In his and Castiel's room Cas was sitting on the bed with a book in his lap. Kevin gave him a smile. "We have food. You want some?" Noticing that Cas was obviously about to shake his head, he added, "Dean is sleeping. He's not coming."

Cas seemed to think about it for a moment and then he got up. "I could eat." They walked together down the hall and Cas gave Dean's door a quick peek as they passed it. "Is he okay?" Castiel whispered. Kevin shrugged a little. "He is drunk. He'll survive. Don't worry."

-v-v-v-

The food was fine and Castiel was happy that he decided to join Kevin and Sam. It was nice hanging out with them. Part of him wished that Dean could have been there too but he wouldn't know how to behave in his presence.

So Dean had drowned himself in whiskey. Cas wasn't sure how to interpret his own feelings regarding this. Dean was obviously disturbed by the whole thing and it pleased Castiel in an odd way.

He felt bad for his own thoughts but knowing he wasn't the only one suffering made it a little easier.

He knew that both Sam and Kevin were curious but they managed to avoid asking. Instead they were discussing theories about the fallen angels.

"Are they angels? Or do you think..." Sam looked at Cas over his fork. "You have any idea." Castiel shook his head and sighed. "It feels weird not to know. I'm not used to not knowing stuff." He had to give the question a serious thought. "I think, I think. Oh, I don't know."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "I guess we'll find out soon enough. If they have some angel-mojo they'll find us." He seemed distraught by the fact and hitched his breath a little. "We won't be safe anywhere." He let his eyes sweep the room. "Not even here."

Sam gave them both a humorless smile. "This place is angel-proofed and demon-proofed." He threw his hands out flinging some beans on the table in the process. "Sorry." He wiped it up with a napkin. "And we have appropriate weapons. This is the safest place right now."

-v-v-v-

Kevin was not convinced but he relaxed somewhat. "I guess you're right but still... We can't stay here forever."

They finished their food in silence and after the meal Kevin did the dishes. "It's a distraction. I need to do something," he said as he practically pushed the others out of the kitchen.

The rest of the evening they all just lounged around. Sam was on the computer and Castiel was reading. The guy was obviously determined to go through the whole library. He wasn't picky either. Cas had a random selection of books in front of him at all times and went through them in an amazing speed.

Foreign languages didn't seem to slow him down either and Kevin suspected that what Castiel had learned as an angel was still present in his brain.

When they all decided to turn in Kevin looked at Cas. "I can sleep here if you don't want to share a room?" Cas shrugged. "No, it's fine. We can share."

-v-v-v-

Dean woke up in the middle of the night. He was still drunk and wondered how long he'd been passed out. He felt like shit and stumbled to the door.

The bunker was quiet and after a quick trip to the bathroom he went to the kitchen to get something to eat. He found a bowl of chili and rice in the fridge and ate it cold. It made him feel a little better but he worried about the hangover he'd get in the morning.

Dean couldn't help thinking about the ordeal with Castiel and wondered if he should try to fix it. He didn't know how though. His body wanted Cas but his brain told him it was wrong.

Dean padded down the hall towards his room. His walk was unsteady and he had to stop for a second and cling to the wall. Without even realizing it he'd passed his own door and was suddenly standing outside the spare room.

He could just have a quick talk with Cas and try to resolve this. He could explain himself to the former angel and tell him about his own insecurities. Dean knew perfectly well that it was the whiskey that gave him the courage to enter the room and worried that he'd regret it in the morning.

Both Castiel and Kevin were sleeping and didn't react when Dean came in. Cas was curled up under the blanket with his face dug into the lining of the leather jacket.

Dean stopped in the middle of the floor and tilted his head to the side. He almost whimpered when the urge to lie down with Cas hit him.

He sunk down on the floor next to Castiel's bed. He wanted to reach out and touch him but braced himself. Instead he just sat there until his head started bobbing. Dean scooted back a little and leaned on the wall. He knew he should get up and leave but watching Cas sleeping gave him a good feeling in his gut. Dean tried to force himself to stay awake but eventually he tipped over and curled up on the floor.

-v-v-v-

Kevin woke up with a scent of booze and sweat in his nose. He wondered why. Both he and Castiel had gone to bed completely sober and unless Castiel had been up drinking during the night there was no reason for the smell.

He eased himself out of bed and startled when he saw Dean on the floor next to Castiel's bed. Kevin had to force down a chuckle. He nodded to himself. "So it is mutual," he thought wondering if he should say something.

A little snore from Dean made Kevin jump towards the door. He decided to make sure he had an escape route in case Dean woke up angry. He turned the knob slowly trying to not make a sound. A quick peek over his shoulder told him it was too late.

For a second Dean looked at him wide-eyed before he threw a quick glance at Castiel. He struggled to get up and had to lean on the bed in order to make it. Then he put his hands to his head and moaned.

Kevin suspected that the guy probably had a serious headache after practically emptying a bottle of whiskey yesterday. He had no idea what would happen next and decided that he was safer in this room than anywhere else. If Dean was embarrassed by this he would probably not risk to wake up Castiel.

Kevin walked away from the door giving Dean the opportunity to get out. The guy turned to look at Cas again before he slowly started to move backwards to the door. He lifted a finger to his mouth and continued backwards shifting his gaze between Kevin and Castiel before he snuck out of the room.

Kevin sighed heavily in relief. He wondered if he should mention this to anybody or if it would be safer to keep his mouth shut.

-v-v-v-

Sam got up and found his brother by the table with the laptop open. "How are you doing? Surprised to see you up and about before anyone else." He sat down across from him. Dean shot him a piercing look before he turned back to the screen. "I think they are still angels."

Sam looked at Dean puzzled. "How come?" Dean turned the laptop around for Sam to see. "Most all of the places where one of these angels fell there have been a disappearance." He pointed to the screen. "I mean, those I could find articles about."

Sam read a few lines before he looked up. "But angels can't just take a vessel, they have to get consent." Dean shrugged a little. "Yeah, but they have found them in jail or in mental institutions. All of these disappearing people were in some kind of trouble."

Sam leaned back in his chair. "So you're saying they were tricked into this?" He nodded slowly. "It could still be Metatron's plan. These angels or former angels could have been tricked themselves."

For a moment they both pondered over this before Dean cleared his throat. "Sam?" He looked up. "Sam, I'm so screwed." Sam didn't know what his brother was referring to and gave him a puzzled stare. Dean covered his face with his hand and rubbed his forehead. "This thing... this thing with Cas, I don't know what's happening to me."

Sam chuckled a little and shook his head. "Cas loves you and I think he doesn't understand those feelings. We're like family and Cas..." Sam sighed. "I mean. He's just confused. It probably has nothing to do with, with romance."

Dean rolled his eyes. "You think? But what about me?" Dean turned his head away and Sam could see that his brother was blushing. "What about you?" Sam wasn't sure if he should mention what Cas had revealed to him but decided to go for it. "You shouldn't have lead him on. You shouldn't have kissed him."

Dean jumped up from his seat and started pacing back and forth. "So he told you? I asked him not to, but I guess... I wasn't very helpful."

Sam didn't know how to respond and decided not to say anything. Dean stopped and looked at him with a pained expression on his face. He threw his hands out and took a deep breath. "I, I..." Sam had no idea what Dean was going to say but he'd not expected to ever hear the words Dean threw out next.

"Sam, I love him. Not like a brother. I'm in love and I want him and it scares the crap out of me."


	4. Kevin's slip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin is stirring things up and creates a new misunderstanding.  
> Dean starts training Cas and Kevin to be hunters.

Kevin was occupying the bathroom so Castiel moved down the hall while he was waiting for his turn. When he heard Dean's voice from the living area he was about to turn around. His heart was pounding and he leaned on the wall.

How he wished that he could just walk over to Dean and act completely normal. He could thank him for the nice bed and tell him about the good night's sleep. Cas sighed to himself knowing that he should stay away from Dean. Seeing him just made it worse.

He was walking the few steps to the bathroom door when he heard the words that changed everything.

"Sam, I love him. Not like a brother. I'm in love and I want him and it scares the crap out of me."

Castiel hitched his breath and had to cling to the wall for a second. "Did Dean just admit to his brother that he was in love?" The mere thought of what this could entail gave Cas shivers down his spine. The little difference in wording was important. Castiel knew that. To love or being in love did not have the same meaning for humans.

Castiel had really been aware of this all along but these feelings were so new to him that he'd been unable to distinguish between them.

The others probably thought that he loved Dean like a family member – like a brother – and that it was Castiel himself that was confused. Using the correct term was obviously of great import.

Kevin came out of the bathroom and threw a quick glance at him. "What? It looks like you've seen a ghost." He was obviously about to say something more but Cas jumped in front of him and shushed him. He peeked over his shoulder before he whispered: "Quiet, I don't want them to know I was eavesdropping." He couldn't help smiling as he moved towards the bathroom door.

"Uh? What did they say?" Kevin was also whispering now as he looked at Cas curiously. "I'm guessing it was something pleasing."

Castiel closed his eyes for a second before he put his hand to his chest. "Very much so. I think everything will be fine now." He wasn't sure if he should tell Kevin but couldn't really help himself. "He loves me. Dean is in love with me. He told Sam just now."

Kevin seemed pleasantly surprised but then shrugged his shoulders. "Don't expect it to be any easier. You still have to be patient." He rolled his eyes. "Be nice. Try to act normal. He's probably still freaked out about it." He tilted his head. "Admitting it is just one of many steps towards actually accepting it."

Castiel looked at the young man in front of him. Kevin had been on this earth for only eighteen short years and still he seemed to have the wisdom of a way older man. "How do you know these things?" Cas gave Kevin a curious look.

The boy chuckled quietly. "Oh, I don't know. I don't even know if this is Dean's problem but I would think that being in love with a man is very new to him." He gave Cas a crooked smile. "I'm not an expert but I've heard that it can be hard to accept."

-v-v-v-

This day was so much different from yesterday. After breakfast – just sandwiches since Dean was pretty hungover and didn't feel like cooking – they all decided to start preparing for what could come. It was really Dean's decision but they all went along.

First he took them all to the shooting range. After establishing that Castiel had a decent aim and didn't need to much help, Kevin got a lesson in gun cleaning.

Sam was still a little wobbly and after a while he had to take a break because he was too tired. Dean wasn't particularly impressed with his brother's shooting and agreed that it would be better to wait until he was better.

Kevin was allowed to try a few shots but the recoil startled him so much that he was unable to hit anything he was supposed to hit. Dean put him back on gun-cleaning duty. "You seem to have an eye for mechanics. We'll do shooting later."

Castiel tried different weapons and peeked over his shoulder at Dean ever so often. The two of them hadn't exchanged many words but for anyone else they would seem to be acting completely normal.

Kevin knew better. Dean tried his best to avoid touching Castiel and Kevin suspected that his feelings towards the former angel scared him. Castiel looked like he was in a world of his own smiling to himself ever so often when Dean wasn't looking.

The change in mood was definitely a good thing. Kevin wanted it to stay like this but he did worry a little bit about the future.

After three hours, which included a long and boring speech about how and when to use the different weapons, Dean left them to prepare dinner. "You guys can put everything back where it belongs." Kevin tried to protest, claiming he didn't know, but Dean just scoffed. "If you payed attention you'll know."

Dean was almost cheerful during the meal and Kevin was happy about that. The gloomy mood around the table yesterday was completely gone and everybody seemed to enjoy the tender meat and the company.

The love-drama was not mentioned at all. Instead they talked about what kind of training Kevin had to be subject to. Castiel didn't participate a lot and Kevin could see that a smile was constantly tugging on the guy's lips. Dean didn't seem to notice but Sam saw it and furrowed his brows at one point giving Kevin a puzzled look.

"I would really feel more comfortable in hiding." Kevin gave Dean a crooked smile. He pretended not to notice Sam's stare. "I mean, I'm not really a fighter. I'm kind of a nerd." Dean shook his head. "Hopefully you don't have to fight but you need to learn how to defend yourself."

-v-v-v-

Sam turned in early. He'd been up all day and even if he hadn't participated so much in the training Dean was happy that he seemed to recover quicker than he'd feared.

Castiel was in the library picking out another stack of books to read. The guy had acted totally different today and Dean wondered what had happened. He suspected that Kevin had said something and this was the first opportunity he had to ask.

He knew he had to be quick. Cas wasn't going to stay in the library forever. "Uh, Kev. I wonder. Did you tell Cas about this morning?" Dean was standing next to the couch while looking to see if Cas should come around the corner. Kevin chuckled and shook his head. "No! No I didn't. Why?"

Dean shifted a little and twisted his hands. "Well, Cas acts differently. He seems almost happy. I don't understand why." Kevin obviously noticed Dean's stare and tried to follow his line of view. "Maybe... Maybe he's over you. Maybe he has moved on." The sinister smile on Kevin's face made Dean squirm and he walked away without a comment.

If this was the case Dean knew he should be happy about it. Instead he felt sick to his stomach. Castiel had said he wouldn't come out of his room until he didn't love Dean anymore. Now he was out and about and he was smiling.

In the corner of his eye Dean could see Castiel coming out from the library. He went straight to the couch and showed Kevin a couple of books. Kevin nodded and grabbed one of them. "Yeah, thanks." Dean couldn't see what book it was and he really didn't care either. What mattered was that he got a little jealous. Cas and Kevin seemed to have established a friendship that he was not a part of.

Kevin got up from the couch and headed down the hall. "I'm going to bed now."

Suddenly Dean found himself alone with Castiel. He didn't know what to say or do. Cas slumped down on the couch and opened a book. "Is there any whiskey left or did you drink it all?"

Dean startled a little when Cas addressed him so casually. He had to take a moment to compose himself before he walked towards the kitchen. "We have more. I'll get it."

-v-v-v-

Kevin felt bad about lying to Dean but the guy needed a taste of his own medicine. He wasn't sure if leaving them alone together was the best right now but he wanted them to get the opportunity to talk it out. He hoped that his words wouldn't make things worse.

If this was for real – that the two of them were in love – Kevin had no problems with it. He just wanted the drama to be over. He almost slapped himself when he realized that he may have added to the drama himself. "Shit. I should probably fix that," he thought as he sat down on his bed.

When he gave it a second thought he came to a startling realization. Being here in the bunker was extremely boring. The whole Dean and Cas situation had really been the only exciting thing going on. Even if it was terribly annoying it added a little spice to life.

Not knowing how long they had to stay there Kevin worried that they would all eventually get hit by cabin-fever. Having a distraction was a good thing. He lied down and turned the light on over his bed. He nodded a little to himself before he reached for the book.

He knew he should have brushed his teeth and undressed before he went to bed but he didn't plan to go to sleep just yet. He made himself comfortable before he opened the book. Only a few minutes later the book fell to the floor. It startled Kevin somewhat but didn't wake him up.

-v-v-v-

Castiel tried to concentrate on the book in his lap. It wasn't easy. This was the first time he'd been alone with Dean since the argument yesterday. He wasn't sure what to do or how to behave. Knowing that Dean was in love with him hadn't really changed anything. Dean was still aloof and seemed to avoid direct contact.

When Dean handed him the drink their fingers touched briefly and Cas had to look away for a second to compose himself. Dean sat down on the other end of the couch and took a sip from his own glass. "Everything okay?" He gave Cas a quick smile.

Castiel took a deep breath. He wanted to scoot over to sit closer but instead he just nodded. If Dean was a little freaked out about these feelings Cas decided that he'd let him do this in his own pace.

He looked at Dean from under his lashes. "I'm, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I, I..." He didn't know how to continue. He wanted to have a casual conversation. He wanted to act normal and composed so Dean could relax.

Castiel noticed that Dean tried to avoid looking at him. "Don't. Don't be sorry. I was behaving like an idiot." He took another sip. "But we're good now, right. You're not confused anymore?"

Castiel startled a little and looked at Dean puzzled. "Confused? I was never... oh, well, yeah, Your behavior confused me somewhat but it's okay." He turned away wondering if Dean would be annoyed from being blamed and he tried to think of something to say to fix it. He looked up again and noticed the sadness in Dean's face.

"Why are you sad? This is good. We're good. No more confusion." Castiel hoped that Dean would understand what he meant. He hoped that Dean could just find the courage to come over and hold him. Instead Dean got up and went to get another drink. When he came back he sat down by the table. "We're good." He closed his eyes for a second. "I'm glad it's all resolved."

"This is very strange." Cas thought. "Dean should be happy about this." He got up from the couch and approached him. "It's all resolved and I'm happy. Why are you not happy?" Dean shrugged and turned his head away. "Oh? I am. I am happy. It's just..." He sighed. "I'm just tired." He emptied his drink and gave Cas a quick peek. "I'm going to bed. See you in the morning."

Seconds later he was gone. Castiel didn't understand what just happened. He'd been so sure that everything would be okay. See you in the morning probably meant that he didn't want Cas in his room tonight either. If he hadn't been totally confused before he was now.

-v-v-v-

Dean had to wipe a tear from his eye as he crawled under the covers in his bed. "So this is it." He thought to himself. Castiel was over him. The short conversation out there had practically proved it.

The guy had probably never been in love with him for real. He'd just been confused by the new feelings he'd discovered as a human. Dean tried to convince himself that this was a good thing. He didn't want to have these feelings. He didn't want to be in love with a guy. He didn't want to be turned on by a guy either. It was scary and uncomfortable.

After twisting and turning for an hour, unable to get comfortable, Dean got out of bed. Every time he'd closed his eyes he could see Castiel's face before him. Those innocent blue eyes, the beautiful curve of the lips and the adoringly ruffled hair. Not only did it make his heart ache it also triggered a reaction in his lower regions.

He paced back and forth in his room for a while. He could of course get drunk and pass out like he'd done last night, but that could possibly make it worse. That he went into Cas' room in his drunken state had been a bad choice and he worried that he'd do it again.

If he couldn't sleep he should find something constructive to do instead. Dean decided to do some research and exited his room.

He startled when he saw that Castiel was still on the couch. He looked up from his book and smiled tentatively. "Oh, you're back?" Dean could almost feel Castiel's eyes running up and down his body before the guy suddenly looked away.

He hurried to the table and sat down. "Couldn't sleep. Need to check something." He opened the laptop and turned it on. "Don't worry. I won't disturb you." As soon as the browser was up he just typed a random sentence into the search engine. It didn't really matter. Dean knew he would be unable to get anything done at the moment with Castiel around.

After a half hour of silence Castiel got up from the couch and approached Dean. He stopped behind the chair and peeked over his shoulder. "Dolphins? Really?" Dean startled. He hadn't payed attention to what he was doing. He'd opened random pages just to distract himself. "Uh, well, very intelligent creatures, they say." He could feel that he was blushing and closed the laptop quickly. "I should go to bed again."

He was about to get up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Cas' thumb caressed the back of his neck briefly before the hand disappeared. Dean swallowed hard. For several seconds he wasn't breathing. He opened the laptop again. There was no way he could get up now. He was only in his boxers and it would be impossible to conceal the arousal.

"I changed my mind. I'll stay a little longer." Dean peeked over his shoulder and could see that Cas had his head tilted to the side and it looked like he was lost in thoughts. Dean couldn't stop the whimper that escaped his throat as Castiel let his tongue run over the upper lip.

Dean turned away and closed his eyes. He wondered if Castiel was deliberately trying to drive him crazy. He pushed the thought away. Cas couldn't possibly know what was going on in Dean's head. The guy was probably not aware of how his behavior could be interpreted.

Moments later Dean's defenses was about to crumble. Castiel squatted down next to his chair and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Goodnight Dean," he whispered before he planted a kiss on his cheek. "See you in the morning."

It took a few seconds for Dean to recover and in the meantime Cas had left the room.


	5. Scavenger hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has gone on some kind of mission. Castiel wants to call him but can't find his phone. Kevin and Sam join him on a fruitless search.

Kevin woke up early. He was a little confused by the fact that he was fully dressed in bed until he remembered what happened last night. He must have been more worn out than he was aware of. The training and the lecture on weapons must have been tougher than he'd thought.

Castiel was still sleeping and Kevin picked out some clean clothes before he snuck out of the room.

After a long and invigorating shower he brushed his teeth and got dressed. In the main room he looked around for the others and after checking the whole living area he figured that they were still sleeping. Kevin was a little disappointed. Dean was without a doubt the best cook amongst the four of them, and Kevin had hoped that the guy would be up already making breakfast.

With a heavy sigh he went to the kitchen to fix something for himself. He was still a little intimidated by Dean's sometimes erratic behavior and didn't want to disturb the guy.

On the kitchen counter he found a Saran wrapped plate with a stack of pancakes. It had a note attached.

"Had to leave. If something happens call me. I will not be back for supper. There's a lasagna in the fridge. Preheat oven to 375. Bake for 30 min. Dean"

The pancakes was still lukewarm so Kevin figured that Dean must have just left. He grabbed a plate and unwrapped the pancakes. It was more than enough for three people so he took a generous amount before he put the wrap back on. Armed with a bottle of maple syrup he sat down to have his lonely meal.

The pancakes tasted like a little piece of heaven. They reminded Kevin of the time when he and his mother had Sunday breakfast. A tear ran down his cheek as the memory hit him. Suddenly he realized that he was really alone in the world.

Hanging here with the Winchesters and the fallen angel was just something he had to do for the time being. When all of this was over – if he survived – he'd have nobody to come home to. He didn't even know if he had a home. The trials and the last few day's little love-drama had distracted him from reality.

Kevin let his eyes sweep the room. He was safe here but for how long? He was pretty sure that the Winchester brothers weren't interested in having a teenager slowing them down on their hunts. Castiel could possibly be a friend but he too would eventually realize that he'd have more in common with people his own age.

"His own age?" Kevin had to chuckle a little to himself. Castiel was older than humanity. He was ancient. As a human the guy was pretty much a newborn but he had knowledge of things that the others couldn't even grasp.

A commotion made him lose his train of thoughts. Kevin looked up and saw Sam lying flat on the floor in the main room. He got up quickly to aid the guy but an embarrassed chuckle made him stop.

-v-v-v-

 

When Sam woke up he felt ready to take over the world. For the first time in days he felt in control of his body and he hoped that this was it. He hoped that he was now over the sickness that had inhabited his body since the trials.

Happy and joyful he'd practically skipped through the hall just to stumble in a shoe randomly placed on the floor. He didn't hurt himself in the fall. Only his confidence was slightly damaged but he managed to laugh it off when he saw Kevin's concerned expression.

"I'm fine. Who's shoes are these?" He got up and held up the item that was the cause of his embarrassment. He quickly realized that only Kevin was there. "Where are the others?" He walked towards the kitchen while he examined the shoe. "It's yours. Why, Kevin? Why?"

Kevin ripped the shoe out of his hand. "Sorry. I was gonna put them on after my shower but I... Sorry, man." He looked down on his bare feet. "I forgot to bring socks and I didn't want to wake Cas and..."

Sam wasn't listening anymore. He spotted the stack of pancakes on the counter and it made his mouth water. "Dean made pancakes? Where is he?"

Dean's pancakes was always a treat. Sam had been very surprised when Dean showed to be a decent – no, an excellent – cook, and his pancakes had been to die for.

"So where is he?" Sam asked again as he grabbed a plate from the cupboard. Kevin pointed to the note. "Obviously on some kind of mission? I don't know." The boy shrugged a little and walked away. "I think everything is good since he cooked for us before he left."

Sam was not convinced. He knew his brother. Dean was very protective and he'd always make sure that everybody under his charge were okay. The bunker provided safety but leaving just like that was still a little out of character for him.

"I hate to bring it up, but could it have anything to do with Castiel?" Sam blushed a little when he said the words. When Dean revealed that he was in love with Castiel Sam had tried to be supportive but had not been able to wrap his mind around it. He'd suspected that it was this profound bond that had confused his brother. And anyway, the topic in itself wasn't something he felt comfortable talking about.

They never got a chance to discuss it again and, honestly, Sam had been content with that. When Castiel showed up yesterday morning, almost peachy, everything seemed to be fine.

Now he started to wonder. Dean and Cas had barely exchanged a word and – if Sam hadn't missed anything essential – the two of them didn't interact much at all.

Kevin never answered the question. As soon as Sam was done with breakfast he slumped down on the couch. "Any theories?" He gave Kevin a quick peek. "I mean, on why he left." Kevin shook his head. "Uh, no? I'm guessing, maybe it has to do with the angels." He shrugged a little and stuck his nose back into the book he was holding. "You know him better."

Sam was about to get up again when Kevin turned to him. "Hmm, uh, Sam?" The boy seemed sad and Sam looked at him with concern. "Yeah?" Kevin closed his eyes briefly before he continued. "What will happen when this is over? When you guys go out hunting again. What will happen to me?"

Sam hadn't thought about it and was unable to give the boy a proper answer to that question. "I don't know. What do you want to happen?" He knew it wasn't fair to throw the question back like that. As far as he knew, Kevin had no close family left. He hadn't even finished high school before he got dragged into this prophet-business. Sam sighed. "Maybe Dean has a plan?" Sam didn't believe that. With everything going on lately he'd probably not thought about this either.

Kevin rubbed his eyes quickly. "It's just... I'm no hunter. I can't tag along with you guys." He huffed. "You wouldn't want me. It's not the life I want for myself." He looked down at the book in his lap. "I mean, I'm fine here for now, but..."

Sam scooted over and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Kevin, listen to me. We will take care of you." He didn't know what to say but his brain was working overtime trying to come up with a plan. "When Dean comes back we'll figure it out. As far as I'm concerned the four of us are family now."

Again Kevin wiped his eyes. "It's not like I'm in a hurry. It's just... I just want my life back. Go to school, college, uh, I don't know..." There was a little tremble in his voice but then he shrugged and cleared his throat. "Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional." He chuckled a little nervously. "Let's talk about something else."

Sam was all for that but he wanted to make sure that Kevin was going to be alright. "We will figure it out. We will never just abandon you." He let go of Kevin and got up from the couch. "But let's deal with this when Dean is back. We have to make sure it's safe for you out there."

Sam went back to the kitchen to make some coffee. He knew that they would have to take these things into consideration when they planned how to proceed. He and Dean were going to get out on the road again eventually. Castiel had proved himself to be a decent hunter and would not slow them down.

He chuckled a little to himself. Cas was probably not ready to pose as FBI or anything, but in combat he was one of the best. Sam hoped that the skills he had as an angel wasn't lost. With Kevin it was a different story. He was not a fighter but he was really sharp and he could possibly be an asset for them anyway.

"So, Sam? What about Dean and Cas. What's the deal?" Kevin was practically shouting from couch. Sam ran out there and shushed him. "Seriously. Do you really want Cas to hear you talk about him behind his back?"

"It wouldn't be behind my back, I'm right here." Castiel shifted his gaze between the two of them. "But I'm curious."

-v-v-v-

Castiel woke up happy. He knew that Dean and he were going to figure this out. He would have wanted to cuddle up with him like they did the first night in the bunker but if Dean needed time Cas had no problems giving it to him.

After skimming through the one book he'd found that had anything to do with love Castiel realized that the library in the bunker would not help him in this area. He needed to find what he searched for elsewhere.

Asking Dean would be a little embarrassing so he decided to convince Sam to teach him how to use the computer. There were obviously unlimited resources online for anything under the sun. He'd used it before but he didn't quite understand how it worked.

Castiel knew he needed to learn how humans dealt with these emotions. So far it had been way to confusing for him. He'd thought that if two people loved each other they would just know. It was obviously not so. Words like flirting and courting was unfamiliar to him but it seemed like these things were essential for a romantic relationship.

He threw the book onto the nightstand and got up. Now when he knew that he and Dean shared these feelings for one another it should be easier. He exited the room and stopped outside Dean's door. He hesitated for a second before he gave it a gentle knock. After a minute he peeked in just to discover that he wasn't there.

When Castiel approached their living area he could hear his name mentioned and when Sam came out of the kitchen to shush Kevin he made them aware that he was there already. He could see that both of them were blushing.

"Where's Dean? I understand that he's not here since you two weren't concerned about him hearing you." He could see that Sam and Kevin exchanged a quick peek. "Dean had to leave. We don't know why." Sam pointed to the kitchen before he continued. "He made breakfast."

Castiel entered the kitchen and found the pancakes. There was a note attached. After reading it he turned to Sam. "Okay, where's my phone? I need to call him." When Sam looked a little confused Cas continued. "He said to call if something happens! Well! Something happened."

Sam looked a little bewildered. "What. What happened." A little wrinkle appeared above his nose. Castiel threw his hands out. "Something! Anything! I need to call him."

Sam's head slumped down and the guy was obviously chuckling. "I see, where's your phone then?"

Castiel didn't have a clue. "Last time I had it in my hand I put it in the pocket of my trench coat. Where's my coat?" After causing a little bit of a drama – it was Kevin's words – Castiel made sure that all three of them got involved in locating the coat.

Sam sifted through the laundry and found the suit but the coat was not there. "Could he have... I mean, it was old and worn." Sam threw his hands out and Castiel startled a little. "He did suggest..." Castiel sighed. "Maybe he got rid of it."

Sam remembered that way back when Cas was missing and they thought they'd never see him again Dean had kept the coat. Sam didn't even know how it was possible but Dean had managed to hold on to it for months until they finally found Castiel again. "He wouldn't toss it." Sam was convinced. "It's probably in the trunk of his car." He rolled his eyes and chuckled a little.

"Do you think so?" Castiel smiled shyly from the suggestion and Sam nodded. "Possibly? I mean it's not here. Not in the bunker."

Sam got embarrassed on his brothers behalf. He'd wondered why Dean had made sure to bring the coat everywhere. Now in the light of these new events Sam could see it. Dean had obviously had a crush on his angel for a long time.

"There is a rest-stop with a dumpster half a mile down the road. That's where we get rid of the trash." Sam shrugged a little. "I mean, I don't think he would have tossed it, but..."

He hadn't even finished the sentence when Castiel turned on his heels and disappeared. A couple minutes later he was back fully dressed. He wore the new leather jacket and a pair of sneakers. Sam recognized them as Dean's. When Cas noticed his stare he looked down shyly. "I couldn't find my own shoes."

Sam smiled at him. It didn't really matter. If they fit Castiel he could probably keep them. Dean had never had them on as far as Sam could remember. Dean wasn't a sneaker-kind-of-guy.

"Where's the dumpster exactly?" Castiel tilted his head to the side and waited for Sam to answer the question.

"Seriously? You want to go there and look for the coat?" Sam looked disturbed and Cas just nodded. Kevin came up behind him and nudged him. "I'll go with you." There was an eagerness to his voice that surprised Sam but Cas seemed happy about the support.

Sam tried to talk them out of it but eventually he gave up. "I'll get ready. We have to bring weapons."

-v-v-v-

 

Kevin almost moaned from feeling the fresh air on his skin. Getting this opportunity to leave the bunker for a little while was exciting. He wasn't completely relaxed but looking down the road they could actually see the rest-stop. It would only take a few minutes to get there and the road was empty. Kevin took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. "We'll be fine." He said it more to himself but Cas turned to him and smiled. "Sure we will."

When they got there Sam decided to hang back and watch the road. Kevin approached the dumpster with Castiel in tow. It wasn't huge but big enough to make it hard to find anything in there. He opened the lid and peeked in. "It's not here." He stated firmly as Castiel caught up.

The stench from it was so bad that Kevin had to hold his breath in order to avoid gagging. Castiel peeked in too. "Oh no!" He sighed heavily as he looked at Kevin. "How come it's empty?" It wasn't really empty. There were still some food scraps in the bottom and something that looked like a dead rat in a corner.

"They've emptied it." Kevin shrugged as he walked away from the stench. "Recently I guess." Castiel looked at him puzzled. "Who? Who emptied it?"

Walking back to where Sam was waiting Kevin tried to explain how it worked. "The City emptied it. I mean..." He gave up.

As the three of them hurried back towards the bunker Cas kept asking. "Can we find it? Where would the City put it?" Kevin looked at Sam with pleading eyes. "Make him stop. Explain it."

-v-v-v-

 

Castiel was devastated. If Dean had tossed the coat – with the phone – in that dumpster it was obviously lost forever. "But my phone? I need to call him." Back in the bunker he slumped down on the couch and addressed Sam. "I, I... Did he leave because of me?"

Sam came over and patted his shoulder. "No, I wouldn't think so." He didn't sound convinced and Cas felt a little ache in his chest. "Can you find out?"

Sam walked away and a few minutes later he was back and threw his own phone on Castiel's lap. "He said to call if something happened. We should probably not disturb him, but if..." He ran his fingers through his hair. "But if you insist..."

Castiel picked up the phone and looked at it curiously. "This is not like mine. I don't understand how it works." Sam grabbed it and let his finger run over the screen before he put it to Castiel's ear. "It's ringing."

Seconds later Castiel could hear a female voice. "You have now reached… blah...blah... leave a messaged after the beep." Cas startled a little. He didn't know who this was. "I'm sorry ma'am. Tell Dean, tell him that I miss him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vacation time. I will try to update but don't know if I'll have Wi-Fi.


	6. A kiss is just a kiss...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is back but Cas is still not satisfied with the progress. He accidentally overhears Kevin talk about his little slip and decides and takes matters into his own hands.

Only a couple of hours drive from the bunker Dean had to pull over. His eyelids were too heavy and his head had started bobbing over the steering-wheel. He didn't even know how he'd been able to stay awake this long.

He got out of the car to stretch his legs. He didn't want to go to sleep. He wanted to get back to the others – back to Cas – as soon as possible.

Dean didn't know how he should behave around the former angel now but he wanted to be near him. If Castiel was over him it was a good thing – right? Dean tried to convince himself but it made him a little sad.

He'd noticed that he had a lost call from Sam but he never called back. If Sam needed to reach him he'd call again. Now fiddling with his phone he realized that he'd got a voice-mail also. "Hm. Should have checked that," he said to himself as he waited for connection.

"I'm sorry ma'am. Tell Dean, tell him that I miss him." It was Castiel's voice. The wording sounded a bit odd but Dean got the meaning. Suddenly wide awake he got into the car again. Cas missed him. Castiel, the angel, his angel, the guy that didn't love him anymore had left Dean a message. A message that made his heart skip a beat.

As he was about to pull out on the road again Dean came to a realization. The message didn't necessarily mean anything. Maybe the three of them in the bunker just wanted to know where he was. Maybe Castiel got confused by the voice-mail and couldn't come up with anything else to say.

Again Dean got out of the car and paced around for a bit. The orange glow in the east told him that the sun was about to rise. He'd been gone for almost 24 hours. A whole day and night he'd been on the road and the others hadn't really tried to get a hold of him. If they – if Cas – missed him so much they would have called again.

-v-v-v-

Castiel got up and snuck out of the room. He didn't know what time it was but it felt like he hadn't slept long. He padded down the hall and stopped outside Dean's room. It was quiet in there. He wondered if he should sneak a peek but decided against it.

In the main room he checked the time. It was five in the morning. Castiel let his eyes sweep the place. It looked exactly the same as when they went to bed. There were no signs to show that anyone had been there during the night.

After a little hesitation he ascended the stairs and opened the front door. The Impala was not there. Dean was obviously not back yet. Castiel worried. He'd been reluctant to turn in until Dean was back but Sam had convinced him to try to get some sleep.

He'd expected a call when Dean got the message and was a little disappointed when it never came. When he asked Sam if that lady could have forgot it Sam laughed out loud and explained to him why it was a female voice answering Dean's phone. Immediately Castiel wanted to call again.

"I feel stupid. I should explain." They had almost got into a fight when Sam refused to let him have the phone. "Dean is probably working. He'll call back." He'd tucked the phone into his pocket and walked away. When Cas tried to grab it Sam had pushed him away. "Stop it! Let him be."

Castiel had tried to convince Kevin to call but the boy didn't have a phone. "I lost it, or misplaced it," he'd given Cas a crooked smile. "and anyway, if Sam tells you not to call you should listen. He knows his brother best."

Castiel decided to continue the training Dean had started the day before and gave Kevin a little tutorial on knives and swords. The boy was surprisingly agile and picked up quickly. Cas suspected that Kevin wouldn't have the strength to actually overpower anyone but he managed to avoid getting stabbed almost every time Cas attacked him. He wouldn't have gotten injured anyway. Cas used a plastic spatula as a weapon.

It was fun. They had laughed a lot. When they finally sat down to have dinner Cas had forgotten that he was angry at Sam. The three of them enjoyed the meal Dean had made for them and they left some for him to have when he was back.

Kevin had found a couple of board games in the library and the rest of the evening they had played Scrabble and Trivial pursuit. Castiel was unfamiliar with these games but he obviously had a knack for it because he won every time to the others' annoyance.

As the evening turned into night without a call from Dean Cas had begged Sam to try and get a hold of him. Sam was still adamant about leaving Dean alone and Castiel had caved in not wanting another argument.

Now he wanted to wake Sam and ask him again. Dean had been gone for too long. He looked at the clock and decided to give it another couple of hours. Sam deserved a good night's sleep. He'd seemed to be doing fine now but it was only a few days since he almost died.

Castiel went to the library and picked out a book before he slowly walked down the hall to his room.

-v-v-v-

Sam was twisting and turning in his bed. He worried about his brother but didn't want to disturb him. He definitely didn't want Cas to call. Sam felt a little embarrassed. The relationship between Dean and Castiel bothered him more than he cared to think of.

If it was true. If it was for real that the two of them were in love with each other it was highly disturbing. Sam didn't know if Dean had ever been in love before. There was Lisa of course but Sam suspected that she was more a safe haven for Dean. He'd cared for her a lot but Sam wasn't sure that it was love.

Sam hoped that his brother was just confused. He hoped that Castiel was just confused also. The whole thing had been kind of cute to begin with but now it was a little horrifying.

The pictures he got in his head made him squirm. Sam was not a homophobe. He'd never had any problems with accepting gay people but this was his brother. His one hundred percent straight brother... and Castiel - the former angel.

Sam blushed when he realized that he was a little bit jealous also. He himself had lost the love of his life and all attempts to try and find someone again had crumbled. He'd chosen this life over love and accepted it. He'd come to terms with the fact that their line of work was irreconcilable with having a family life.

If now Dean and Cas got together – Sam shivered by the thought – it wouldn't be fair. Dean would have his cake and eat it too. Sam felt a little sorry for himself. Mostly because he was unable to be supportive of this.

-v-v-v-

When Dean finally parked outside the bunker he was dead tired. Getting in bed to sleep for several hours was the only thing on his mind.

Inside it was quiet. It seemed like none of his roommates were up and about yet. It was just as well. Dean didn't feel up to explaining himself at the moment. It would be time enough to tell them about this little journey later in the afternoon.

When he left yesterday he wasn't even sure if he could pull off his plan. When everything went so smoothly he'd wanted to call the guys in the bunker and give them the good news, but decided to wait until he could see their faces.

Castiel and Kevin now had their own ID-cards. He'd provided them with a couple extra in different names just in case.

He'd also discovered that Jimmy had a savings account, untouched for years, accumulating interest. It wasn't big money but it could help on their strained economy.

He knew he should have alerted Amelia Novak about it but she had moved. She'd obviously burned all bridges behind her. He still managed to track her whereabouts. It wasn't easy. Amelia had remarried and moved to Europe. Dean could perfectly well understand why she didn't want to stay in Pontiac anymore. According to one of her former neighbors she'd married rich so Dean had no qualms about his plan to take the money.

Now he just had to convince Castiel to pose as Jimmy and get them. Dean wasn't sure if that would go around well but with the knowledge that Amelia and Claire were fine he figured he could pull it off.

In his room he practically fell onto the bed and was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

-v-v-v-

Against both Kevin and Sam's advice Castiel decided to go and wake Dean. He'd come home sometime before eight in the morning – Kevin got up at that time and found Dean's shoes and jacket in the main room – and he'd been in his room now for more than seven hours.

Sam had checked on him a couple of times and could tell that his brother was sleeping soundly. Sam didn't want to wake him and even got a little angry when Cas insisted. "He's probably been up all night. He needs the rest. Give it up already."

Cas shrugged. Not only was he hungry and wanted Dean to cook. He also missed him and wanted to see him, talk to him, maybe even get a chance to hold him. "If he wants to sleep some more I'll let him. I just miss..." The look on Sam's face made him stop. He tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brows. "Why don't you approve of our love? What changed? I thought..."

Before Castiel had finished the sentence Sam turned and walked away. Cas still noticed pain in his eyes. It was mixed with something else. Something that looked like embarrassment or anger – or both. Castiel decided not to ponder over it.

Outside Dean's door he hesitated for a split second before he slowly pushed the door open. Dean was spread out on the bed. The blanket was pushed to the side and Dean's bare chest was moving slowly in rhythm with his breathing.

Castiel swallowed hard and hitched a little from the sight. He had to close his eyes for a second to compose himself somewhat. Dean grunted a little in his sleep and moved over to the side. Castiel took a few steps forward and sat down at the foot of the bed. "Dean!" he whispered quietly as he let his hand gently caress Dean's jeans clad calf. "Wake up."

It took a moment before Dean fluttered his lashes and looked at Cas with sleepy eyes. "Cas..." He reached his hand out to grab Cas' before he pulled him closer. "Cas I'm sorry."

A little surprised by the words Castiel pulled back a little. "Why are you sorry? I don't understand." He worried that Dean would push him away again like he did last time he was in this room. He cleared his throat. "I'm here to wake you. It's almost three thirty."

Dean let go of Cas' hand and rubbed his eyes. "I guess it's time to get up then." He rolled hiself out of bed on the other side and padded over to the dresser. "I need a shower. Is there any food?"

 

Castiel chuckled a little. It wasn't because he was amused. He'd hoped that he and Dean could have a little moment. A kiss – even a quick one – or a hug. Something, anything. But now Dean practically walked away. "We need you to cook. The rest of us are not very good at it."

-v-v-v-

As soon as Castiel had left to go and wake up Dean, Kevin sighed heavily from the couch. "It will probably be okay" He whispered more to himself. Sam looked at him curiously. "What?" he said as he could see that the boy startled when he obviously realized that Sam had heard him.

Kevin just shook his head and got up from the couch. It looked like he was about to leave the room. He seemed somewhat distraught. Sam raised his voice. "KEVIN! DON'T EVEN TRY! WHAT?" The boy seemed to shrink a little but then he cleared his throat and straightened up."I might have stirred things up."

He sat down again and looked a little embarrassed. Sam got extremely curious. "Has this anything to do with Dean and Cas?" He was now standing next to the couch. Kevin chuckled a little nervously. "You're obviously bored. This, this..." He looked away for a second. "It's about time you get out there hunting. The Dr Phil-character doesn't suit you." The boy threw a quick peek at Sam. "They'll figure it out between themselves."

Sam sat down next to Kevin and sighed heavily. This whole ordeal was more than a little embarrassing. Sam didn't want to be so invested in this. He was bored and this was the only excitement they had at the moment. "You're probably right, but still..." He looked at Kevin again. "Still I'm curious. What did you do?"

Kevin tilted his head down and scratched his forehead vigorously before he looked up at Sam. "I kinda suggested to Dean that the reason Cas was happy was because he was over him."

A little cough made them both turn. Castiel was standing in the doorway. He looked like a lion ready to attack.

-v-v-v-

"I kinda suggested to Dean that the reason Cas was happy was because he was over him." Kevin's words startled him. He coughed to alert them that he was there. When they both turned towards him he drew his breath before he shouted. "YOU SAID WHAT?" He charged towards Kevin in a fit of rage but braced himself before he reached the guy. "Why, why would you do that?"

Kevin looked at him with fear in his eyes. "I, I, it wasn't like I told him. It was only... I wanted him to understand how you'd been feeling when he pushed you away." The boy looked down embarrassed. "He needed to taste his own medicine."

Castiel shook his head and looked down. "Oh." When he again looked at Kevin he gave him a crooked smile. "I see. You did it for me? Well..." Cas cleared his throat and squinted towards Kevin. "Well, FIX IT!"

Kevin practically squirmed under the stare. "Me? I... NO!" He waved his hands in front of his face. "I'm very, very sorry for what I said, but Dean scares me."

Castiel thought about it for a second before he shrugged. "Fine, I'll do it myself." He stomped out of the room and could hear Sam trying to protest. "I don't care what you think, Sam. There is a bond."

Cas heard the shower running and he entered the bathroom without a hint of hesitation. Dean didn't even notice that he was in there before he pulled the curtain aside. As he stepped inside the shower he remembered Meg in a flash and a voice inside his head was practically chanting, "Do like the pizza man."

He wrapped his arms around a startled and confused Dean before he leaned in and kissed him on the lips. "I'm not over you. We belong together." As soon as the words were out Dean grabbed his shoulders and returned the kiss. Dean's hands tugged on his shirt while his tongue forced itself inside his mouth.


	7. ...a sigh is just a sigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh what a sweet story. If Sam could show a little support everything would be just awesome. Well it could have been if Dean hadn't been such a jerk.
> 
> (I don't know what happened. I seriously thought that this chapter would end differently.)

Small puddles of water were forming an uneven trail down the hall. The bathroom door was ajar and Sam could hear Dean humming quietly in there before the door slammed shut. Castiel was nowhere to be seen but the water droplets led to his and Kevin's room.

Sam groaned. It wasn't really that he wasn't happy that the two of them sorted things out. It was just... It was just that the way they sorted it out was way past his imagination.

Back in the days – not so long ago actually – he had teased Dean about the profound bond. Sam wasn't the only one who'd commented on it either. The special connection between Dean and Cas was well known both in heaven and in hell.

Sam had not ever, not even in his wildest dreams – or nightmares – thought that this bond of sorts could lead to... this.

Looking down at the wet floor Sam wondered. Castiel had obviously got wet while he was in there. To avoid the images that popped up in his head Sam tried to picture Castiel running down the hall with a squirt-gun. It was a more pleasant scenario but not very likely.

He'd known that Castiel could possibly be a little dodgy when it came to sexual orientation. As an angel he was pretty much indifferent to the whole deal. Sam was more concerned about his brother. Dean had never, ever, not even the slightest given any indications that he was batting for the other team. On the contrary. Sometimes it seemed like the guy did his best to conquer any and all girls in sight.

-v-v-v-

 

Castiel was a little annoyed. His clothes were soaking wet and they didn't seem to be a moment closer to drying than they were when he left the bathroom. He obviously had to put on something else. Cas was perfectly aware of the fact that he couldn't mojo himself dry, but he'd really thought that it wouldn't take too long before he at least stopped dripping.

He knew that the only reason he even bothered to think about this – and make himself get worked up about it – was to avoid thinking about that other issue.

When he was standing in the shower with Dean – the guy's tongue practically down his throat (okay, a little exaggeration) – Castiel felt his penis grow inside his pants. It wasn't the first time he'd felt this but now it hit him like a tidal-wave. Dean had obviously noticed. He pulled away and cupped Cas' cheeks. "You have to go now. Everything will be fine, but go now." Dean's words came out as a hoarse whisper. He'd turned away quickly as Cas moved backwards out of the shower.

In his room he struggled to get the wet clothes off. It was tougher than he would have thought. The shirt wasn't so bad but the jeans clung to his thighs as if they were glued on. Castiel was a little exhausted when he finally got out of them.

A towel was hanging over the chair. He grabbed it and dried himself off before he dug out some clean dry clothes.

A few minutes later he was dressed again and looked at the pile of wet clothes on the floor. Cas didn't know what to do with them. Just leaving them there wouldn't do. They would probably never dry. He picked them up and exited the room.

The door to Sam's room was wide open and Sam was in there sifting through some papers on the desk. "Sam?" Cas peeked in to the room. "Where can I put these?" Sam turned slowly and gave him an undecipherable stare before he sighed heavily. "In the laundry room." He hesitated for a second. "I'll show you."

Sam eased himself passed Castiel and led the way. When they got there he pointed to a clothes rack. "You can hang them there to dry. We have to get some laundry done later."

 

-v-v-v-

 

Sam watched as Castiel put the clothes on the rack a little clumsily. Part of him wanted to ask all sorts of questions while another part struggled to keep them at bay. "Uh, Cas? I'm sorry but I..." He drew his breath and waited for the angel to turn around. Sam couldn't help himself still thinking of Castiel as an angel.

As soon as they were facing each other Sam knew that this was a bit too awkward. "I, uh, never mind." He looked down and scratched his forehead vigorously. Castiel's patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, everything will be fine." He nodded several times as if he was trying to convince himself that it was so.

Sam sighed. "Sorry, it's just too, too weird." He shrugged and started to move towards the door. "Forget it. If everything is fine it's... fine."

He more felt than saw Castiel's eyes follow him as he hurried to get back to the main room. Having this – what Dean would have called it – chick-flick-moment with a grown man was too disturbing. Sam got this creepy feeling that he was in a soap-opera. As if they had been thrown into an alternate universe – again.

Dealing with Castiel and his sometimes total lack of common sense had been hilarious at times. Jim would probably have been in his late thirties so it was easy to make the mistake and treat Cas as if he was that age. On the other hand, as an angel he was older than time but as a human he was pretty much fresh out of the womb.

Sometimes it was possible to look into those blue eyes and see which of these personalities he had taken on at that exact moment. The innocent and confused stare of a toddler, the hard, scrutinizing eyes of and Angel of the Lord or the serious yet mild gaze from a grown man. Lately another personality had emerged also. The erratic and almost bipolar, love-struck teenager.

Sam slumped down on the couch and sighed to himself. "Everything will be fine." He repeated Cas' words in his head and did his best to believe them.

 

-v-v-v-

 

Dean came into the kitchen to find Castiel sifting through the fridge. He was not sure how to handle the situation he'd gotten himself into but decided to play it by ear. Knowing perfectly well that Sam was watching he went over to Cas and stroke his back. "Hey Angel. Are you gonna cook dinner?" Cas looked up with a smile on his face. "I could try, but..." He chuckled shyly.

Dean shook his head as he reached passed Cas to grab a beer. "I'll do it. You can help." Cas stepped to the side to give Dean better access to the contents of the fridge. "I'd like that. You can teach me."

Castiel took on the task as a sous-chef with enthusiasm. He picked up quickly and seemed to slide into the role as a natural. Ever so often their hands touched and sometimes Dean let his fingers linger a little on Cas' skin.

Dean was still a little freaked out by his own feelings. When Castiel came into the shower and kissed him all doubts had been washed away in an instant. Now they came creeping back. This was still kind of scary – and slightly embarrassing. The arousal that came with that kiss was a little too much to handle and he had to get Cas out of the shower quickly.

The urge to rip Castiel's clothes off and have his way with him right then and there was overwhelming but of course he had to push it away. Already back at the junction when he picked up Castiel after the fall he knew that the guy turned him on. It had been a little disturbing but at that point it was manageable. He'd convinced himself that it was just an accident.

Now watching Cas stirring the gravy with his head tilted to the side and a dream-like look on his face Dean knew there were no accident. He was hopelessly in love with him and wanted him in every sense of the word. Dean shrugged and tried to concentrate on the task at hand.

As he was about to set the table Kevin came over and sniffed into the air. "Mm, smells good. I'm hungry." He grabbed the plates from Dean. "I'll do it, you do the cooking." The boy smiled and put the plates down. "What are we having?"

 

-v-v-v-

 

The mood around the table was now relaxed and comfortable. Dean was smiling and laughing. Sometimes a little nervously but still, he was clearly in a better mood that he'd been earlier in the week. Cas looked genuinely happy and the two of them kept peeking at each other with fondness. Even if Sam rolled his eyes ever so often, he too seemed to be handling the situation much better than before.

Kevin didn't know what to think about this. He was happy that the two of them didn't seem to be angry at him because of his little slip but he worried that this could possibly put them in danger. If Dean and Castiel were more focused on each other than anything else it could be bad.

After the meal was over Sam volunteered to clean up. He told them that except for some random flashes of dizziness he was completely healed and felt the urge to chip in on the housework.

In the main room Dean fetched his jacket and picked out a stack of what looked like credit cards and threw them on the table. "Here guys. This is your new identities." Kevin picked up one of the cards and looked at it. Castiel's eyes were staring at him from the picture. James C. W. Novak. Kevin handed it to Cas. "I think this is yours."

After sifting through the pile Kevin found one that looked exactly like the card he normally kept in his wallet. After examining it closely he discovered only one major difference. Dean had made him twenty-one years old. Kevin looked up. "Why?" Dean shrugged and gave him a smile. "Thought it would be a nice gesture. It's okay, right?"

Castiel hadn't said a word yet. He was holding the card close to his eyes as if he was nearsighted. When Dean and Kevin looked at him curiously he turned to them. "Why C W?" Kevin noticed that Dean blushed a little. He drew his breath and tried to look indifferent about it. "Oh, just a joke. I... Castiel Winchester! I just added it for kicks."

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and kissed him on the cheek. "That is so sweet of you." Now it was Kevin's turn to feel embarrassed. Those two grown men were suddenly cuddled up next to him. Dean obviously felt a little uncomfortable about the situation also and he grabbed Cas' wrists and got out of the embrace.

Kevin looked away as Dean leaned towards Cas. "No, not now. I need time," he whispered into Castiel's ear. Kevin being so close couldn't help overhearing it anyway and got up quickly. "I'm going to help Sam." He hurried over to the kitchen.

The dishes were done and Sam was wiping the counter. "You look a little flustered. What's up?" He gave Kevin a crooked smile before he threw the cloth into the sink. Kevin sighed. "They are... it's embarrassing." He pointed towards the living area.

Sam's eyes flew wide open and he leaned back a little to be able to take a peek at Dean and Cas. "They're just sitting there. What?" He looked at Kevin again. Kevin shrugged. "They had a little moment. It wasn't like... you know?" He rolled his eyes. "But I think Dean got a little freaked out. He's not ready to dive into this relationship head first."

Sam scrunched his face and shook his head. "I see. Well, I don't care." he reached for a beer in the fridge. "Want one?"

Kevin took the beer he was offered and pondered over Sam's words. There was no way Sam didn't care. The guy had a pained expression on his face every time he had Cas and Dean in sight simultaneously. "You're lying. Maybe even to yourself. You don't like it?" Kevin meant it as a question but Sam didn't answer at once.

 

-v-v-v-

 

Kevin's stare made him squirm. Sam took a sip from his beer and scratched his neck trying to find a proper answer. "It's just weird. I can't even..." He leaned on the counter and shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

The two of them hung out in the kitchen for a while. None of them wanted to join the happy couple at the moment and Sam tried desperately to come up with something to talk about.

Kevin cleared his throat. "We could go for a walk? I mean... we could leave them alone..." He lifted his brows. Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes. "There's nowhere to go and anyway... It's just too disturbing." He didn't really know what he expected to happen if Dean and Cas were left alone in the bunker but Sam didn't like the images that popped up in his head.

He stepped to the side and looked at the two guys on the couch again. Cas was now lying down with his head on the armrest. It looked like he was sleeping. Sam knew that Castiel didn't get much sleep last night so it wasn't so strange if he needed a little shuteye. Dean was sifting through some papers on the table while he with the other hand caressed Cas' ankle. When he noticed Sam's stare he startled and let go of Cas' foot before he got up and approached them.

 

-v-v-v-

 

"He just fell asleep." Dean whispered as he walked over to the fridge. "It's okay." He knew he was mostly talking to himself but could see that both Sam and Kevin nodded. With a beer in his hand he stopped in the middle of the floor. "We have to find that angel. I have to find her."

Sam chuckled quietly. "How many angels do you need? You don't worry Cas will get jealous?" Sam didn't look as amused as he sounded. Dean shrugged and sent him a quick glance. "Shut it. You know what I mean."

He walked over to the couch again and picked up the papers from the table before he went back to Sam and Kevin. "I found some money." He showed Sam the statement from Jim's bank. "Jimmy had a secret. A few thousand dollars. We could always need the money"

Sam took the paper and looked at it curiously. "Wouldn't it belong to Amelia?" He gave the paper back. "I mean... we can't just take it?"

Dean told them what he'd learned from his little trip to Pontiac. "And you know... I don't think she'd appreciate us contacting her." He shrugged and peeked over at Castiel. "I think she would prefer to never hear about us or Cas ever again."

Dean was about to go back to the couch but turned and faced Sam and Kevin. "Maybe she knows about it and left it for... Jim." He shrugged. "I mean... she never knew what really happened to him."

He wanted to get the conversation onto another track and turned to Kevin. "And if everything goes well you can go to college in the fall." Kevin startled. "But I didn't even graduate. I have to finish high school."

Proud of himself Dean presented Kevin a diploma. "You did now. Here." Kevin startled and grabbed it. "No! I wanted to..." The boy sighed. "Going back to my old school is probably not an option right now, but I would have wanted to..." He threw his hands out. "Thanks... I think."

Dean walked away. He didn't want any complaints. He was sure he'd done the right thing and wasn't interested in their ranting. He was more concerned about the relationship with Castiel.

The fact that he was turned on by the former angel was very disturbing. Dean knew in his heart that he loved the guy with every fiber of his being. That in itself was hard enough to cope with. That he wanted to... "No, no, no..." Dean chanted the words to himself. He had no idea how it would work. Theoretically he had general knowledge but actually doing it was quite different.

Dean decided to go to bed and leave Cas where he was. He didn't want to ponder over what Cas would think about this. Inviting Cas to his bed was a little too scary but he didn't want to shut him out either. He felt a little confused. Leaving Cas on the couch would definitely be the easiest choice. It looked like Sam and Kevin was ready to turn in also so he said goodnight and left them before they could ask any questions. Tomorrow would be a new day and Dean could deal with everything then.

How he chose to deal with it came as a surprise even to him and if he'd known what his desicion would lead to he would have given it a second thought.

 

-v-v-v-

 

Castiel woke up from the sound of music. Confused from the fact that he was still on the couch he tried to find out where the music came from. His own phone was vibrating on the table. He grabbed it and could see it was Dean calling. He also noticed that the clock showed that it was morning. Castiel pressed the answer button. He He didn't know what to say. He hadn't used it that much.

"Hey Cas. You up and about?" Dean sounded concerned and Castiel cleared his throat before he managed to answer. "Well I'm awake, but not up." He eased himself into a sitting position. "I'm sitting."

A period of silence followed and Castiel wondered if Dean had hung up on him. That would be weird. "Dean? Are you there?" He could faintly hear Dean drawing his breath. "I had to go out. I just..." the sound of another deep breath came through the line before Dean continued. "Cas, I'm confused by these feelings. This is not easy for me."

Castiel waited patiently for Dean to continue. He felt slightly disappointed that Dean had left him on the couch. He'd been so sure that the two of them would cuddle up in Dean's bed that night, now that they knew about each others feelings. "Where are you?" It would be weird if Dean called from his room.

"Uh, I'm just out for a drive but... Cas. I'm sorry but I don't know if I can..." A little huff followed Dean's words. "I can't... be with you. We have to get over this... this crush." The words sunk into Castiel's mind and made him stop breathing for a moment. "Are you breaking up with me over the phone? We didn't even... we..." He didn't know how to continue. This was not right. A knot started to form in his gut and a flash of anger clouded his mind.

"I will leave now. I can not stay here if you don't want me." Cas could hear that his own voice had a higher pitch than usual. "Goodbye Dean." As he pulled the phone away from his ear to turn it off he heard Dean's voice scream. "NO!"


	8. Viva Las Vegas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is freaked out by Castiel's disappearance. He hopes that the guy will come to his senses and come home but Castiel has made some new friends.

Castiel was not in his bed and Kevin wondered if he was with Dean. He got up and padded to the bathroom. The door to Dean's room was slightly ajar. Kevin snuck a peek just to discover that no one was in there.

In the living area it was quiet. Dean and Castiel was nowhere to be seen and Kevin started to wonder. There were no breakfast ready either which was a little disappointing. Kevin made himself a sandwich before he sat down on the couch with a book.

Seconds later the front door slammed shut and Dean came running down the stairs. "CAS! Castiel?" He stopped short when he saw Kevin. "Where is he?"

Kevin furrowed his brows. "Who, Cas? I don't know. Thought he was with you." He'd barely finished the sentence before Dean ran off obviously searching for Castiel.

Back in the main room he threw his hands out. "Where is he?" Dean repeated sending Kevin a puzzled stare. "Where's he hiding?"

Now Kevin started to worry. "I just got up, I have no idea where he is." He looked around. "You know this place better than me. But why would he hide?" He let his eyes meet Dean's and could see that the guy was seriously disturbed. Suddenly he turned on his heels and headed for the sleeping quarters. "Oh, he's probably in Sam's room."

Kevin could not understand why Castiel would be with Sam. After giving it a second thought he figured that if something bad happened between Dean and Cas the angel could possibly go to Sam for advice.

He heard Dean scream to Sam the same words he'd repeated a couple of times already. "Where is he?" Kevin couldn't hear Sam's answer but Castiel was obviously not there either. Dean came back and stared down on the floor. "We have to find him." Dean's hands were clenched into fists. "Get up and help me."

 

-v-v-v-

 

After they'd searched through the whole bunker it became apparent that Castiel was not there. Dean tried to call him but there was no answer. "Okay, lets' go." Dean gestured to Sam to follow him as he headed for the stairs. Sam shifted his gaze between his brother and Kevin. "What about him?"

Dean was already at the door. "Someone has to be here if he comes back. Come on." He went outside leaving the door open. Sam rolled his eyes and looked at Kevin. "Will you be okay?" When the boy nodded slowly Sam started to walk towards the stairs. "Call if... just call if something happens."

As he ascended the stairs Kevin suddenly got up. "I have no phone. Mine is... I don't know where it is." Sam picked out his own phone and threw it across the room. "Take mine. It has Cas' number. Try to call him."

Dean was in the car already and it was clear that he'd called Castiel again without success. He was staring at the screen of his phone with a pained expression on his face. "Sam I... I screwed it up. It's my fault."

After making a quick decision on what direction to take Dean explained what had happened when he called Castiel in the morning. "I didn't mean to... I thought he'd understand."

Sam didn't know what to say. Castiel alone with no angel-mojo could possibly turn out bad. He didn't want to make Dean more worried so he chose not to mention his own concerns. "Maybe he just went for a walk. How long since you called him?"

Dean shrugged a little and sighed heavily. "A couple of hours maybe, I don't know." He gave Sam a quick peek. "I didn't think he'd leave. I tried to explain myself... oh, who am I kidding?" He closed his eyes briefly. "I'm a coward. I couldn't handle this... these feelings, and now..."

 

-v-v-v-

 

Dean had to pull over. He was almost hyperventilating thinking about what could happen to Castiel. The guy didn't know how to be human. He could possibly get himself into all kinds of trouble being on his own. The fact that he could be a target of revenge from a bunch of fallen angels was another concern.

He threw Sam a quick glance. His brother looked so calm and collected that it was annoying. "How can you sit there and not care?" He punched the steering-wheel. "Cas is helpless on his own."

Sam drew his breath and turned towards Dean. He shook his head while he obviously searched for something to say. Eventually he cleared his throat. "I know that he isn't particularly street-smart but he's not helpless." He put a hand on Dean's shoulder. "We'll find him and everything will be fine."

Dean shrugged and pushed Sam's hand away. "Everything will not be fine. Everything will be... be, oh , fuck it Sam. I'm in so much shit." Again he hit the steering-wheel with force. "This is too complicated. I want to get back to the old days. Back when the two of us were a team and we had nobody else to... care about."

"Back to when Castiel was an angel and the profound bond was something of a joke." He thought to himself. Dean knew he'd always had a special connection with Cas. He liked having him around and he sometimes wondered why. He'd pretended to be annoyed when the angel came to close and disregarded small issues like personal space.

Dean had to admit to himself that he already back then had been disturbed by the feelings Cas stirred up in him. He'd bitched about Cas getting in his face because it was seriously embarrassing when the urge to pull the guy even closer hit him.

He turned the ignition key and got the car in gear before he continued. "I want to go back to hunting. Not searching for a former angel with a... with a..." Dean couldn't continue but Sam volunteered to finish the sentence. "...with a serious crush on you."

Sam earned a penetrating stare. "Shut it. I don't want to hear it." Dean felt the urge to punch his brother. He knew perfectly well that Sam was right but talking about it was not an option. "Let's just find him and sort things out." Dean sighed. "I'll deal with whatever comes along later."

He drove down the road and for a half hour none of them were talking. Dean kept his eyes on the side of the road hoping that they would find Castiel quickly.

A buzz from the cellphone startled him and he grabbed it eagerly. "Oh. It's from you." After a flash of disappointment Dean hoped that Kevin could bring some good news. He pressed the answer button. "Yeah? Did he... I mean..."

 

-v-v-v-

 

The minute the Winchester brothers left and the door slammed shut Kevin jumped up and started to explore the bunker. He knew every room in there but he hadn't really got a proper tour of the place. It was massive and he wondered who could have come up with the idea to build something like this.

It was somewhat old-fashioned but must have been upgraded over the years. The fact that they had TV-signals and Wi-Fi was astounding.

He tried to call Cas before he continued his lonely walk around the premises. There were still no answer. Kevin was a little worried but tried to believe that Castiel would come to his senses and come back by himself.

He had no qualms about going into Sam and Dean's rooms and look through their things. Sam's room was kind of plain and boring. A couple of family pictures on the wall was the only thing that separated it from a random motel-room.

Dean's room was a different story. He'd decorated it to fit his personality. The weapons on the wall and the turntable was so him. Kevin sat down on the bed and looked around. There was a framed picture on the desk. Kevin got up and looked at it. He guessed that the lady was Dean's mother and that the little boy was Dean himself.

Kevin knew that the Winchesters lost their mother a long time ago. Looking at the picture he felt a connection to the guys that he'd never felt before. Sam had never really known his mom, but Dean had been old enough to experienced the loss.

Suddenly Kevin felt that he was too intrusive. He hurried out of the room. He realized that he'd seen a part of Dean that the guy did his best to hide.

He called Castiel again as he walked over to the kitchen to get a bite to eat. The angel still didn't pick up and Kevin left the phone on the table before he searched through the fridge and the cupboards for something eatable.

He stared at the jar on the top shelf. Something was off. Dean used it to put loose change and small bills in. It was now empty except for a handwritten note. Kevin picked the note out.

"I needed some money. I will find a way to pay you back. Castiel."

Kevin wondered if the Winchesters needed to know this but after a quick hesitation he found Dean's number and called.

Dean was obviously disappointed when he realized that Kevin didn't bring any good news. The fact that Cas had some money now could make it even harder to find him. "It wasn't much. Maybe fifty... probably less." Kevin knew that Dean tried to tone down these knews on purpose and decided to support him. "He can't get far with fifty bucks. But at least he'll get a bite to eat."

-v-v-v-

 

It took about a half hour for Castiel to realize that he'd made a huge mistake. With fourty two dollars and thirty five cents in his pocket and nowhere to go he was so screwed. He sat down on the ground and leaned his back against a traffic sign. He knew he should've turned around but a stubbornness he didn't know he possessed made him search for other options.

Hanging with Dean after it became clear that he wasn't interested in a relationship beyond just being friends was out of the question. Castiel knew he couldn't handle the emotions involved if he had to see Dean all the time. That kiss in the shower had made him want more and for a few hours he felt that he and Dean was on the same page in this.

That was obviously not true. Castiel knew that Dean loved him and that made it even harder. He still didn't understand why Dean was not willing to give it a chance.

His thoughts were cut short when a van skidded into a halt next to him. A woman jumped out and approached him. "Hey! We're kind of lost. Do you know how we can get to I-70?" Her voice was surprisingly masculine and Castiel soon realized that it wasn't a woman after all. The guy lit a cigarette before he lifted his perfectly shaped brows. His long hair was put up in a ponytail and he was obviously wearing make-up.

Castiel shook his head as he slowly got up from the ground. "I don't know. I'm kind of lost also." He'd been around this country so many times but rarely by car so he never had to pay attention to the roads. "Where are you going?"

The guy took a drag from the cigarette before he answered. "We're going to Vegas. You?" Castiel didn't know how to reply to the question. He'd no idea were he was going. He tried to visualize the map in his head and pointed down the road. "I think... If you just continue down there..."

The guy dropped the cigarette-butt and stepped on it. "Do you need a lift?" He was climbing into the van and gestured for Cas to follow. Castiel wasn't sure about this. He'd wanted to get as far away from Dean as possible but now given the chance he hesitated. "I don't know. I... okay."

The guy reached his hand out. "I'm Eric, or Erica if you prefer. You?" Cas shook Eric/Erica's hand. "Ca... I mean... Jim."

Castiel got in and Eric pointed to the driver – a leather clad man with a tired expression on his face. "Ronny." Ronny looked at Cas through the rear view mirror and nodded. "Sorry, I'm tired. Been on the road for ten hours already." The young girl sharing the backseat with Cas smiled. "I'm Elvira. Eric's sister."

Eric turned around to face Cas. "So, what are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere on your own?" He reached his hand out and patted Cas' knee earning a frown from the driver. Cas shrugged. "I... I walked away from..." He hesitated. These people didn't need to know what happened. On the other hand it would be nice to get a strangers point of view so after giving it a second thought he volunteered the whole story leaving all references to angels out of it.

-v-v-v-

 

After five hours on the road Dean was about to give up. Kevin had kept calling Castiel and messaged Dean ever so often just to keep the Winchesters updated. Sam had fallen asleep about an hour ago and Dean didn't want to wake him.

He decided to try to call one last time before he turned around and headed back to the bunker. He pressed the call button and startled when he realized that Cas finally answered. "Cas, oh Cas. Where are you? I'm so sorry. We can fix this. I can fix this."

After a few seconds an unfamiliar voice reached his ear. "Cass? There's no Cass here. You must have the wrong number." Dean almost freaked out. If Cas had ditched the phone there was no way to contact him. "Who are you? And why do you have Cas'..." Dean hesitated and wondered for a second. "...Jim's phone."

A scoff came through the line. "Oh, Jim. Okay. Are you Dean?" Dean took a deep breath and confirmed who he was. "Where's Jimmy?"

It took a while before this stranger answered. "Jim is fine. He told me about your wishy-washy behavior and you clearly don't deserve him." Dean could almost hear a smirk through the line. "We're taking him to Vegas to make a man out of him. It's about time..." A commotion in the background cut him off and Dean could hear Cas' voice. "What are you doing with my phone?"

Dean held his breath for what seemed to be an eternity before he managed to compose himself. "Please tell him that I'm sorry. Tell him to come home." Dean hurried to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye when he noticed that Sam had woken up and was watching him curiously.

Dean looked at his brother before he opened the door and hurried out of the car. What he was about to say was not meant for Sam's ears. He slammed the door shut and whispered into the phone: "Tell him I love him and everything will be fine. I... I can't..." Then his phone died and he lost the connection.


	9. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has gone missing and his three roommates are trying their best to locate him. He himself is now ready to go back but only if Dean makes a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be a happy ending after all this shit. As I've said before - I'm a sucker for happy endings - but it's too easy. I'm struggling here. Also - I thought this would contain some smut but it's not happening. I'm torn.

Kevin was bored out of his mind. He'd tried to call Castiel about a hundred times but the guy was obviously determined to not pick up. He'd stopped calling Dean a couple of hours ago. There was no point. He had no news anyway. A quick and negative answer to the text Dean sent was more than enough.

Nobody ever told him what happened and why Castiel left. Kevin had his theories and they all involved Dean being a jerk. Cas had apparently found his phone before he left and Kevin wondered if he'd found the trench-coat also. He'd obviously not brought anything else with him. The drawer in their room was still full of clothes and Cas' toothbrush and razor was in the bathroom.

Maybe he didn't plan to stay away for long. Or maybe he was just unfamiliar with packing a bag. He never had to do that before. With his angel-mojo he could always clean himself up with a snap.

When Sam's phone started buzzing Kevin jumped up to grab it. It was from Cas. Finally there was some progress. He hurried to press the answer button. "Cas, thank God." He sighed heavily and sunk down on the couch. "Where are you?"

Castiel didn't answer the question. "Kevin? Is that you? Where's Sam?" He sounded surprised to find Kevin on the receiving end. Kevin himself was so happy to hear from him that he forgot that it was Sam's phone he was holding. "Cas, where are you?" he repeated. "Why did you leave? They're out searching for you."

He could hear Castiel clear his throat before he replied. "I couldn't stay were I wasn't wanted." Kevin shook his head. Dean had obviously been running his mouth not thinking about the consequences. "Oh, Cas. I understand but, for what it's worth, I need you. I can't handle the Winchesters by myself. Please come back."

It took a few seconds for Castiel to reply. When he finally spoke it was with a tremble in his voice. "I want to come back but I need Dean to... to... promise..." A little whimper followed the words. "He doesn't pick up. I think his phone died."

Kevin thought about it for a moment. If the brothers were without a phone they would probably come back shortly. "Dean will call as soon as his phone is charged. I'm sure he'll promise you anything. He was... devastated when he realized you'd left."

 

-v-v-v-

 

When Dean didn't get back in the car Sam turned and looked at him through the window. Dean was leaning his elbows on the trunk and covered his face with his hands. It looked like he was crying. Sam didn't want to embarrass his brother so he stayed in the car and waited patiently.

Eventually the door on the driver's side opened and Dean slumped down on the seat. He didn't look at Sam, he just started the car and took a u-turn before he headed back towards the bunker.

For several miles no words were uttered. Sam could see that Dean's jaws were clenched and his eyes were focused on the road. Eventually Sam dared to ask what happened back there and after another couple of miles – at a speed way over the limit – Dean relaxed a little and turned to Sam briefly. "My phone died. We have to find another phone."

Dean didn't volunteer any more information and Sam wondered if they were going to go all the way back before they'd try to call Cas again. He wasn't sure if he should ask. Dean was a good driver but they were practically flying down the road so Sam didn't want to aggravate him any further.

It took another ten minutes before Dean eventually calmed down a little. He leaned back in the seat and decreased the speed somewhat. "Castiel is on his way to Vegas. We took the wrong turn. He's probably hours away."

Sam startled. "Vegas? Alone? How? And how far did he get?" He noticed that Dean closed his eyes for a second before he sighed. "I don't know. I don't know anything. I didn't get to talk with him at all. He's not alone. He is with some guy."

So Cas had obviously got a lift. None of them had seen or heard from him for about seven hours and he could possibly be almost half way to Vegas by now. It would be quite a drive to catch up with him and Sam wasn't sure if he was up for it.

As if Dean had read his mind he turned to Sam. "I can take you back home and go alone. I think I need to go alone."

 

-v-v-v-

 

Castiel was staring into his cup of coffee wondering what to do next. He didn't know how long it would take before he heard from Dean again. He really didn't want to go with these strangers to Las Vegas. They'd been nice enough and they seemed to be generally concerned about his well-being. It was still a little too scary.

With no money and no real skills he didn't know what to do when he got there. He couldn't count on these people to take care of him forever.

Eric and Elvira were sitting across from him at the table. They looked at him curiously. Ronny sat next to him and all three of them were waiting for Castiel's decision. "It's your choice but we can't stay here any longer. We have a long drive." Ronny shrugged and took a sip of his coffee.

They had parked at this little roadside cafe for a quick meal after Eric's short conversation with Dean. Ronny had made the decision stating that Cas and Dean needed to talk things out. He'd also suggested that Cas should give him an ultimatum. "Make him promise to behave. He's not being fair to you."

When it became clear that getting hold of Dean would be harder than he'd anticipated Cas still wanted to stay put. Kevin had been so sure that Dean would call him soon but the Winchesters could be far from home and it could be tough finding a phone. The problem now was that this could take a while and Cas would be stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Castiel was a little intimidated about forcing Dean to make a choice. What if he didn't want to make any promises. Cas was so ready to go back no matter what but he could see Ronny's point.

When the other three were done with their meal Cas looked at them and sighed. "Thank you. I'm sure Las Vegas is fun but I will stay here." He got up and was about to shake hands with them when Eric threw his arms around him. "Call if... if you need a friend." He reached out for Castiel's phone on the table and typed in his own number. "Hope everything will be fine." Then he slipped something into Cas' pocket and whispered into his ear that Castiel didn't understand at that moment.

Elvira came over and hugged him also but Ronny settled for a quick pat on the back. "Take care, buddy."

Cas watched them get into the van to take off. He waved until he couldn't see it anymore and went back into the cafe. There he counted the money he had left in his pocket after he'd payed for his meal. Then he ordered another cup of coffee and looked at the item Eric gave him. He suddenly understood what Eric meant but he wasn't sure if it would ever leave his pocket.

 

-v-v-v-

 

Dean knew he was driving too fast but he needed to get back to the bunker as soon as possible. He had pondered about taking a break at a gas-station or a truck-stop to borrow a phone but he couldn't remember Cas' number. He could of course call Kevin first but he felt it would be a waste of time.

From where they were at the moment it would only take a few minutes extra to drop Sam off at the bunker and make the call from home.

They had crisscrossed the countryside south and east of the bunker. When they finally got in touch with Castiel Dean was about to go back. He needed a break before he would definitely go north. And all this time Cas had been traveling straight west.

It took them a little more than an hour to get back and Dean ran inside to get Sam's phone. He knew he should probably eat something before he left again and as he found Cas' number he ordered Kevin into the kitchen to make a sandwich.

Kevin looked startled but hurried in there and picked the food out of the fridge. "What do you want on it?" he asked as he reached for the bread on the counter. Dean just shrugged listening to the call signal on the line. "Anything, I don't ca..."

Cas picked up and Dean left Kevin alone and walked towards his room. "Cas? It's you, right?" He whispered feeling a lump in his throat. When Cas replied with a quick 'yes' Dean closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He entered his room and closed the door. He had to take a couple of breaths before he continued.

"Cas, I'm sorry. I want you to come back... to me." Dean had a hard time expressing what he really felt at the moment even if Castiel deserved to know. "Dean, I... I want you to promise me that everything will be okay. That you will be true to yourself. To us." As Castiel's words entered his ear Dean realized that it was some kind of ultimatum.

He sat down on his bed and cleared his throat. "I will make any promise you want. Tell me where you are. I'll come and get you." He could still not say the words that was on the tip of his tongue.

Cas told him that he was in a little town about 150 miles east of Denver. "I don't know the name, but I can ask." He paused for a moment. "How long will it take for you to find me? I want to come home." A sob followed the words and Dean felt his heart ache.

"Three – four hours. I don't know. Are you alright? Are you alone?" Dean listened as Cas confirmed that he was alone and had just had a big meal. "I used your money, but I was hungry."

Dean almost choked. "Oh, Cas. That is not a problem." He was happy that Cas had had the foresight to take the money. Without it he would have been so screwed. "I'll get on the road now and I'll call you when I'm nearby."

Castiel didn't say anything but Dean could hear a sniffle. He sighed heavily. "Cas. I love you. It scares me but losing you scares me more. Hang in there."

After a quick goodbye they hung up and Dean dug out the car charger for his phone before he exited the room. In the kitchen he grabbed a couple of sandwiches from the counter and hurried through the main room towards the stairs.

"When will you be back." Sam shouted from the hall. "Should we wait up?" Dean turned to him and shook his head. "He's more than half way to Denver. It will take a while." He ascended the stairs. "I guess we'll see you guys in the morning."

 

-v-v-v-

 

Sam sat down by the table and fired up the computer. It didn't take long before Kevin came over and grabbed a chair. "I made a few sandwiches, you want one?" He didn't sit down obviously waiting for Sam to reply.

The mention of food made Sam's mouth water. "Oh, yeah, I'm very hungry." He was about to get up when Kevin lifted his hand to stop him. "Just sit. I'll get it."

Never before had a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich tasted better. Sam hadn't had a decent meal since last night and after hours on the road it felt like a little feast in his mouth. "I forgot how good this can be. Thanks Kev." He tried to salvage the flavor and not just shove the food into his mouth.

Kevin sat down and grabbed a bite to eat also. "Hm, Sam? What happened? I mean... What did Dean do this time?" He leaned his elbows on the table and looked at Sam curiously. Sam chewed and swallowed while he wondered if he should tell Kevin what he knew. He himself had a hard time understanding the relationship between Cas and Dean and thought that maybe it would be more fair to wait for them to explain it themselves.

He looked at the clock and tried to calculate when they would be back. Then he finally met Kevin's eyes. "Can you manage not to mention anything about it?" He leaned back in the chair. Kevin eyes widened in anticipation and he nodded vigorously. "Sure. I promise."

Sam closed the laptop and reached for another sandwich. "I think I need a drink for this." He nodded towards the fridge and Kevin jumped up and got two beers before he sat down across from Sam again.

"Dean and Castiel are in love with each other." Sam could feel he was blushing when he heard his own words. He shrugged and continued. "Dean is freaked out by it and called Cas this morning to ask him to... oh, I don't know... to get over it."

Kevin furrowed his brows. "He called? Where was he? And when did Cas find the phone?" The boy sounded way too enthusiastic and Sam gave him a piercing stare before he continued. "Dean had the phone in his car. He'd charged it and left it next to Cas. He was too much of a coward to talk to him face to face."

Sam got a sour taste in his mouth bad-talking Dean like that but it was the truth. Sam looked up at Kevin again and noticed the little smirk. He was about to address it to try to defend his brother but there was clearly no point in that. Even if this relationship was hard to handle for Sam he had to admit that Dean hadn't been dealing with this in a proper manner.

If Castiel had been a girl Sam would have bitched his brother about his behavior a long time ago. Cas deserved the same. The former angel probably didn't understand the struggles Dean was dealing with but his feelings should be treated with respect. "Love is love." He said more to himself and could see Kevin nod in agreement.

The two of them looked at each other for a moment before they both burst into laughter. Sam covered his face. "This is too weird. We shouldn't laugh." Again he could see Kevin nod while the boy was wiping a tear out of his eye. "I know. But it feels much better." He was still chuckling. "If Dean wants to fuck his angel there's nothing we can do about it regardless."

Kevin's words almost made Sam choke. He didn't need those images. "Kevin! Don't. I haven't even... I don't want to think about it. Screw you."

Kevin just shrugged. "Oh, you're such a prude, an old-fashioned prude." He obviously tried to contain the laughter now but did not succeed. He gave Sam a wink. "How often do you think about what Dean does with the girls he picks up?" When Sam shook his head Kevin continued. "I guess you don't. So why does it bother you that he wants to be with a guy? As you said, 'love is love'."

When Sam still didn't say anything – there was really nothing to say – Kevin smiled and took a sip from his beer. "I'm the virgin here. I should be disturbed and embarrassed by this but I don't care. When two people find love we should rejoice. I hope I'll find it sometime." He hesitated for a second. "I think I'll prefer a girl though... but who's to tell."

 

-v-v-v-

 

Castiel knew that it could be a long wait. After paying for his coffee he took a walk around town. It was small and after less than an hour he was back at the cafe. He'd noticed that he got some curious stares but he'd just smiled and nodded to everyone he met.

He wanted to call Dean but he wouldn't know what to say. The battery-power on is phone was on it's last leg anyway and he was afraid it would die.

The lady at the counter inside the cafe looked tired and grumpy so Cas didn't want to bother her to ask how to use the pay-phone inside.

He went to the gas-station across the street and bought a newspaper and a six-pack of beer. He found a secluded spot not too far from the road and sat down on the grass. There he grabbed a beer and opened the newspaper. Castiel wasn't really interested in the local news from this area but he needed something to keep his mind occupied while he waited for Dean to call.

He spotted a small article about the search for a missing person. The guy had vanished from his home about a week ago a few miles away and nobody had heard from him since. His caretaker had found his apartment empty and notified the police. According to the article the guy had an intelligence of a six year old and couldn't possibly manage on his own.

Thinking back to what Dean had suggested a few days ago Cas figured this could possibly be the works of one of the fallen angels. Dean had been very reluctant to talk about this theory. He clearly didn't want Cas to go out on his own and try to find them. For Cas that was never an option. If they were going to find them they had to do it together.

Cas had been afraid that these guys – these angels – would try to find him and retaliate but at the moment he didn't really care. The only thing on his mind right now was to patch it up with Dean. If that didn't pan out he was ready to leave this world. Let them kill him.

After plowing through the whole paper and downing the six beers he'd bought Castiel lied down on the grass and stared into the sky. He knew he was drunk. It didn't bother him much. Dean would come and pick him up and everything would be fine. He hoped.

He startled when his phone rang and it took a little while before he managed to find it and press the answer button. "Yeah? Dean? I'm here..." He struggled himself up to a sitting position and as he heard Dean's voice asking where he was he could see the Impala parked at the gas-station.


	10. Home again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's first week as a human is drawing to an end and it finally seems like everything is getting nicely pieced together. The issue with the fallen angels is still not resolved but who cares at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for dragging this out guys. There are still a few bumps in the road but I know the end. I hope for a few kudos. And I hope my English is satisfactory. If you want to comment on any spelling errors or bad syntax, feel free. I want to learn more.

The reunion was as taken out of a chick-flick. When Dean called Cas to find out if this was the little town he was in, he could hear Cas shouting from across the street. Dean was busy fueling up the car and couldn't just take off but as soon as Cas was close enough he let go of the pump and rounded the car to embrace him.

Having Castiel in his arms felt so right. Tears were piling up in his eyes as he dug his face into the crook of Cas' neck. He didn't even care that there were a couple of bystanders. Dean lifted his head and pressed his lips against his angel's.

Castiel tasted like beer and Dean could see that he was more than a little tipsy. Dean tugged him even closer before he let go a little to run a finger over Cas' cheek. "I'm so sorry. Don't ever leave me again." He gave him another quick kiss before he supported him over to the passenger side of the car and helped him inside. "I have to pay for the gas. I'll be right back."

Back in the car Dean reached his hand out and grabbed Cas'. He squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry." he repeated as he stared into those beautiful blue eyes. "It's just... oh, screw it. I'm an idiot. I'll fix this."

Castiel just smiled and tilted his head to the side. "I know why you're scared. Ronny told me." He chuckled and closed his eyes. "Ronny fell in love with Eric and it disturbed him."

Dean pulled back and furrowed his brows. "Who? What?" He had no idea what Castiel was referring to. "Who's Ronny? And Eric?" He wondered if they could be characters from a TV-show.

Cas sighed. "They brought me here. Ronny reminded me of you." He closed his eyes and it looked like he was about to fall asleep. "I'm drunk. Take me home, please."

Dean fired up the engine and pulled out on the road. Getting Castiel back to the bunker – back to their home – was the only thing on his mind right now. He expected Cas to sleep the whole way but for some reason the guy seemed to have got a second wind.

Suddenly he started ranting on about the guys he hitched a ride with. "... and Eric called himself Erica and wore make-up. I know you've seen guys like that." Cas smiled a little and stared into the air. "He was very nice though. And did you know? People go to Vegas to get married?"

It was a well known fact so Dean just nodded. Cas continued. "Why do they do that. I mean marriage is so... what is that?"

Dean shrugged. "You ask me? Isn't it a divine union?" The burst of laughter from Castiel startled him and he turned his head briefly. "What's so funny?" He could see that Cas had a hard time composing himself but eventually he managed to explain. "Marriage is a human invention. It has nothing to do with who belong together. God always knows and then Cupid just go out and find them." He was still giggling a little. "Sometimes it's tough shit. Cupid has to be there at the right time and place."

Dean tried to focus on the road while he pondered over what Cas just said. He also smiled a little to himself when he realized that Castiel had been swearing. The guy picked up fast. "But... what about... us? Do we... belong together? I mean... Cupid..." Dean could feel he was blushing as he uttered the words and had to stop. Castiel sighed and smiled. "I think the first one was an accident."

In his drunken state Castiel obviously had a hard time focusing. "Cupid was confused. We blamed him for the Valentines Day suicides." Castiel words made Dean remember what happened more than three years ago. "An accident? So we..." He didn't know how he felt about this revelation. "So maybe we don't belong..." Castiel cut him off before he's finished the sentence. "We do!"

Dean could still not understand this. "But if it was an accident, a mistake..." He looked at Cas quickly as he accelerated. The news was slightly disturbing. A little tilt of the head accompanied by an innocent smile from his passenger made Dean's heart skip a beat. Cas chuckled. "Oh no. It was just way too early."

Dean thought about it for a moment. "Why did I not know already back then?" He threw a quick peek to the side and earned a crocked smile from Cas. "You weren't ready. It was too early." He repeated the words. "...and anyway, I wasn't familiar with the human emotions yet. Oh..."

Suddenly Cas' eyes were wide open and he looked startled. "Cupid must have known. She must have known that I would lose my grace." He covered his face with his hands. "Remember when we got Cupid's bow? That's when she touched you... and me... again. And that was no accident." Cas leaned back in the seat and sighed heavily. "Why would she bother to make our union true unless she knew the trials were fake and I would become a human."

-v-v-v-

Kevin was still chuckling a little. He was aware of the fact that Sam didn't find the union between Cas and Dean particularly amusing but at least he was working on it.

The two of them had polished off the beers in the fridge and had now opened a bottle of wine they'd found in the cupboard. "I don't like wine!" Kevin stated firmly as he took a sip from his glass. "It tastes like... it's sour." Again he lifted the glass to his mouth. Sam's head was bobbing a little. "So don't drink it. I'm not gonna give you any whiskey." He was practically lolling over the laptop. "I may be drunk but I know that you're way to young for this."

Kevin got out of his seat and stumbled over to the coffee table. He grabbed his new id-card and walked back to Sam. "I'm twenty-one! Says here." Kevin shoved the card into Sam's face while he clung to the table. Sam pushed him away. "You're drunk enough already anyway. No point in making the hangover worse."

Kevin slumped down on the chair again and looked at the wine glass in front of him. "You're probably right." He tried to focus on Sam but gave up. "So what do you think is going on right now? I mean... with Cas and Dean?" He pushed the glass away and leaned his elbows on the table. "It's just... we have to support them. That's what family does."

A sigh came from the other side of the table before Sam closed the laptop and stared right at him. "I know. Can we not talk about it? Let's turn in and deal with it in the morning." Sam got up and emptied Kevin's glass before he just walked away. "We're both gonna be hungover tomorrow. Brace yourself."

-v-v-v-

Sam waved goodnight to Kevin and padded across the floor towards the sleeping quarters. Kevin's happy-go-lucky way of dealing with this was tough to handle.

The fact of the matter was that, after giving it some thought, Sam wasn't as repulsed to the idea of Dean and Castiel being an item as he was before. He realized that he was more worried about Dean turning into a softy. That he would be too absorbed by this love-affair to focus on their actual purpose. Sam felt that he had a genuine reason for concern.

There was clear evidence that Dean had been more attached to the angel long before this than a mere business relationship would dictate. The genuine sadness – bordering to despair – when they thought they'd lost him was so out of character for Dean that Sam already then had started to suspect that something was going on with his brother. Something Sam could not grasp at that moment.

Castiel had always showed a special affection towards Dean. Most of the time to Dean's obvious annoyance. At the present Sam figured that his brother's bitching was just a cover up for what really went on in his mind.

As he prepared himself for bed Sam wondered if he should call just to make sure that everything was alright but he scrubbed the idea as soon as it had entered his mind. Whatever happened between the two this afternoon and evening Sam didn't want to know.

He got in bed with a feeling of selfishness that would bother him until he fell into a restless sleep. Who was he to complain and be so strung up and embarrassed by this. Dean had to have gone through a much more mind-blowing process of acceptance. He must have been scared out of his wits. Sam dug his face into the pillow and decided to do his best to support his brother. Still a little reluctant to see this as more than a random crush he was going to try his best to suppress his own feelings about it.

-v-v-v-

Dean was driving fast through the night. After ranting on for a half hour about the weirdest topics Castiel had suddenly and without warning passed out next to him. When he eventually parked outside the bunker he nudged him gently. "Hey! We're home."

Cas fluttered his lashes and crawled out of the car a little clumsily. Dean had to support him to the door and help down the stairs. "Are you hungry or something," he asked as they passed through the main room. Cas scrunched his face and shook his head. "I just want to sleep."

The decision to take Cas to Dean's room was already made and he justified it to himself by not wanting to wake up Kevin. He knew it was the lamest excuse ever invented but at the moment he needed it.

Dean pushed the jacket off of Cas' shoulders and let it fall to the floor before he unbuttoned his pants. For a split second Castiel's blue eyes widened but then he closed them and let Dean maneuver him over to the bed. He lied down and rested his head on the pillow as Dean removed his jeans and shoes. Dean chuckled a little as he realized that Castiel wore the sneakers he'd bought on a whim a few weeks ago. Looking down on his own boots he knew he was never going to wear them himself so as far as he was concerned they belonged to Cas now.

Lost in his own thought for a second Dean startled when Cas grabbed his hand. He looked at Dean with pleading eyes. "Are you going to sleep here also?"

Even if Dean had the intention to do just that he hesitated for a few second before he answered. In the meantime Cas pulled the blanket over himself. "It's okay. I understand." The disappointment in his eyes hit Dean like a physical pain and he sat down on the bed. "I will. Sleep here with you. I just... I will." He gave Cas a gentle stroke on the cheek. "Go to sleep. I... There's just something I need to do."

He got up and left the room in a hurry. He had no idea how to proceed and needed a moment for himself. He found the laptop on the table in the main room and turned it on before he went to the kitchen to grab a beer. When he couldn't find any he poured himself a generous amount of whiskey and returned to the computer.

Searching through the web for anything that could take his mind off Castiel for a split second resulted in nothing. Dean was unable to get the guy out of his mind no matter what. The fact that he was in his bed and expected Dean to join him was the only thing he could focus on. It scared Dean in so many ways.

He wanted to make sure that Cas was asleep before he went to bed. The urge to be intimate – very intimate – with the guy was almost horrifying. Dean had vivid pictures in his head of what he wanted to do with him. Even if he'd never had sex with a man before he had a general knowledge and was perfectly aware of what it would involve.

He did his best to erase those images by reading the world news. Demonstrations against the president in Egypt and a planned memorial for the victims of a terror attack in Norway didn't manage to take his mind off the fact that there was a guy in his bed waiting for him to be there.

Dean gave up. He realized that there was no point in postponing the inevitable. He wanted to get in there and cuddle up with Cas. His whole body actually craved it. He closed the laptop and emptied his glass. As he padded through the hall after a quick trip to the bathroom he hoped that he'd given Cas enough time to fall asleep.

As quietly as possible he stripped down to his boxers and eased himself under the covers without disturbing the former angel. He drew his breath before he wrapped his arm around the guy's waist. A soft moan from Castiel was the only giveaway that he wasn't completely out. Dean tried his best to relax and as he listened to Cas' even breath he started to doze off.

-v-v-v-

Castiel found himself unable to fall asleep. He was so tired that it should be impossible but the fact that he was in Dean's bed – finally – and knowing that Dean would join him made him a little too excited.

There were still a few unresolved issues between them but Cas hoped that given time it would work itself out. He was pretty sure that sex would be one of those issues and he knew from a long and intimate conversation with Eric and Ronny that it could be one of the reasons Dean was so freaked out.

Castiel himself was a virgin in every sense of the word and he couldn't really understand that gender should have any importance in this. If two people wanted to have sex with each other it should really be up to them. Castiel himself was not necessarily in a hurry to explore this but the way his body reacted when Dean held him was kind of exciting.

Eric had been practically in shock when he learned that Cas had never had a sexual encounter in his life. Explaining the reason was not an option so Cas did his best to try to look embarrassed. With Ronny and Elvira as reluctant listeners Eric had given Cas a verbal tutoring that would have made a hooker blush. At that point they were all expecting Cas to come to Vegas with them and Eric offered to help him find someone to rid him of his virginity.

Cas had actually given it a thought but soon after he'd fallen asleep in the van. When he woke up from the sound of his own phone he had not been able to understand what happened before he realized that Eric had picked it up and was talking to Dean.

Now, lying in Dean's bed, he was also remembering Ronny's little speech about how he'd struggled with himself when he realized that he was falling in love with a man. That Eric had this alter ego – Erica – didn't matter so much. He was still a man, and Ronny – who'd just turned eighteen at the time – had pushed Eric away for weeks before he eventually admitted to himself that it was futile.

The couple had been together now for four years and the relationship was thriving. They'd met in Vegas and went back there every year to celebrate their union. When Elvira mentioned that they should marry they'd both scoffed, stating that a piece of paper wouldn't change anything.

Castiel smiled to himself thinking about them. He wondered if it was pure luck or fate that made him meet them. If anyone else had picked him up he could have been on his way to some other distant place feeling sorry for himself. Or – he thought to himself – he could have gone back to a worried and annoyed Dean and nothing would have changed.

When he heard the door open Cas pretended to be asleep. He wanted to make this as easy as possible for Dean but he couldn't help moaning a little when he felt Dean's arm around his body. He wanted to scoot even closer and also give Dean a kiss, but decided to lie still and just enjoy being there.


	11. Domestic chores

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in the bunker Castiel is still worried that Dean won't keep his promise.

When Kevin came into the main room in the morning he found Sam on the couch. He was obviously typing something into his phone and Kevin sat down next to him. "What's up? What are you doing? And do we have anything that will cure this headache?"

Sam tilted the phone and showed Kevin something that looked like a shopping list. "We have to get more supplies. I'm trying to figure out what we need." He shrugged. "Can you think of anything except for painkillers?"

Kevin didn't say anything and Sam put the phone down. "Guess we have to wait for Dean to get up, he'll know." He stretched his long legs and put his feet on the table. "There are cereal in the cupboard and the milk is... okay."

Kevin really didn't feel like having cereal but figured it was the only option. "When did they get back? When can we expect Dean to get up?" Sam threw him a smile. "I heard them come in just after midnight, so it wasn't too late. Didn't you hear it?" He scrunched his face. "Well I really didn't hear much either. They were quiet."

So Dean and Cas had come back shortly after Sam and he went to bed. "No. Remember my room is in the far end and Cas never came in there." He looked at Sam as he spoke. The response from Sam was nothing more than a huff.

"Guess they shared a bed then." Kevin chuckled. "Maybe they won't get up at all." Sam covered his face with his hand and huffed again. "You can't help yourself can you?" He shook his head. "But really, it is okay. It is."

-v-v-v-

 

The first thing Castiel noticed when he woke up was that he needed to pee badly. The second thing he noticed was that he was practically surrounded by Dean's body. Those two things in combination made it very hard to decide what to do. A headache was lurking also and he blamed the beer consumption yesterday.

He knew that he eventually had to get up to avoid wetting the bed but he fought it. After everything that had happened lately he was afraid to break the spell. Regardless of what Dean had said, that he'd made a promise, Cas couldn't make himself believe it fully.

Cas had Dean's left arm under his neck and his head was dug so close into Dean's chest that it was somewhat difficult to breathe. Their legs were tangled together and Dean's right hand was placed firmly on Cas' lower back.

He couldn't help but let out a little whimper when his bladder craved attention. It obviously startled Dean a little but he didn't pull away. Instead the hand on his back moved up over his spine making him shiver. "Hm... are you okay?" Dean sleepy voice crept into his ear. Cas couldn't do anything but nod.

"What?" Dean whispered as his hand moved back to it's original position. Castiel pulled back a little and tried to meet Dean's eyes. "I'm fine. I need to pee." He squinted and gave Dean a crooked smile. "But I don't want to get up."

Dean gave him a smile back and unwrapped himself from Cas' body, "Just go. I need to go also." He licked his lips before he pressed them against Cas' forehead. "We should probably make an appearance anyway." He rolled his eyes. "They are gonna freak out and tease the hell out of us... well, me."

Very slowly Castiel crawled out of bed and walked towards the door. He looked at Dean, hoping that he would be allowed back again. Dean's encouraging smile made him believe so but he'd been fooled by that smile before. He shrugged before he got out of the room.

-v-v-v-

 

Dean stretched out on the bed and stared into the ceiling. He was still kind of freaked out but promised himself to not put the relationship with Cas in jeopardy again. He got out of bed and grabbed his jeans from the floor before he exited the room.

In the hall he met Cas who had just come out from the bathroom. Dean was about to pass him with a smile but his reflexes took over. After a quick peek around to make sure there weren't any onlookers he pulled Cas closer and gave him a kiss on the lips. "It's all good, Baby." His own words startled him. "Baby?" He thought. "Where the hell did that come from?"

Castiel didn't seem to be bothered by it and just let his hand run down Dean's arm. They looked into each others eyes for a moment before they suddenly were tangled into an embrace grinding themselves up against each other.

A noise from the living area made them pull apart. Dean could feel he was blushing and with an encouraging pat on Cas' shoulder he stepped to the side and hurried towards the bathroom.

He cursed at himself for being such a coward but he knew that things would be different from now on. He knew that, no matter what, he had to make sure that Cas didn't walk away again. If it involved making a fool of himself, so be it.

Dean knew he should probably take a shower but decided to face his roommates first. "Better get it over with," he said to his own face in the mirror. "Just do it, Dean."

In the living room Kevin gave him a smile from the couch. "Slept well? Where's Cas?" As he said the words Dean could see that Kevin focused on something behind him before he jumped up from the couch and moved towards Dean. "Cas! Thank God you're okay." Dean peeked over his shoulder and could see Cas come smiling towards the living room.

The two guys gave each other a hug and patted each other's backs. "I'm happy you're back." Kevin took a few steps backwards before he turned to go and sit on the couch again.

In the meantime Sam had approached also. He too looked relieved to see Cas there in one piece. "You gave us a scare there. Is everything fine now?" His eyes moved from Cas to Dean and back again. Dean couldn't help noticing the flash of discomfort in Sam's face but it went away and was substituted by a bright smile. Castiel nodded and walked over to Sam to give him a hug. "It's fine. I'm a little hungover, I think. And hungry."

Sam looked up and met Dean's eyes. "We're kind of low on supplies. I don't know..." He shrugged and Dean took the hint. "I'll whip together some breakfast and then I'll make a list." He walked passed Sam and Castiel and into the kitchen.

Dean had expected to get some cheeky comments from Kevin or a disapproving grunt from Sam but none of that happened. It was actually a little disappointing. If they thought they could silence him to death they were in for a surprise.

After digging out the food he needed to make breakfast Dean started to crack some eggs into a bowl. Castiel came up next to him. "Can I help?" he asked a little tentatively and Dean looked up briefly. "Sure. Here." He gave Cas the whisk and asked him to mix the eggs. A quick peek over his shoulder told him that Sam and Kevin were both hunched over the laptop and didn't pay attention to what went on in the kitchen.

Dean seized the opportunity and gave Cas a kiss on the cheek. Keeping his hands off the former angel was very hard but standing there with a stick of butter in one hand and a spatula in the other was in itself a hindrance. Sam and Kevin only meters away added to the effect.

 

-v-v-v-

 

Kevin pretended to watch the computer screen as Sam searched through the news. He had a feeling of deja-vu. Two days ago the same thing had happened. Dean and Cas in the kitchen seemingly happy. Then everything crumbled and Cas ran away.

Even if Dean had promised Cas the moon on a plate or whatever else he could have said to get him to come home, Kevin didn't trust him one bit. Keeping his mouth shut about it was not easy. He wanted to go and tell Dean that he - and Cas - had all the support thye could need. Sam was still a little on the fence in this but he was trying his best and did a decent job of it.

Kevin decided to keep an eye on them and intervene if Dean started behaving like a moron again. It could be a little intimidating to stand up against Dean, but Kevin was pretty sure that - no matter how he felt about it - Sam would back him up.

In the meantime everything looked fine. He noticed that Dean gave Cas a little kiss before he continued with the cooking and he smiled to himself.

"Uh, Sam?" he whispered. "Can I go with? I mean, to the store?" Except for the little scavenger hunt the other day Kevin had not been outside the bunker for a week. He was so ready to get out of this place even if it was only for a quick trip to a convenient store.

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe Dean wants to go. Then you have to ask him." Another shrug followed before Sam concentrated on the computer again.

Kevin really didn't care who he went with as long as he could get out. He got up from the couch and approached Dean. If Dean wanted to go he might want to take Cas, and he might not want Kevin to tag along. He cleared his throat to alert him. When Dean turned around with a smile on his face Kevin got the courage to ask. "I wonder... Can I go with you..." He huffed. "I mean are you going to the store?"

Dean looked at Cas for a split second before he turned back to the stove. He shook his head. "Sam can go if he wants to. Ask him." Even with his back turned towards him Kevin could see that Dean was blushing. Kevin had to bite his lip to avoid throwing out a cheeky comment. Instead he turned around and joined Sam again.

He chuckled a little to himself as he sat down. So Dean wanted to be alone with Cas. "The two of us can go to the store, right?" He nudged Sam as he spoke. Sam looked up and nodded a little tentatively. "Oh, okay. So Dean and Cas..." He didn't continue. He seemed to be trying to focus on the screen. "Sure. We can do that. Dean can make a list."

After breakfast – finally a decent one after all the turmoil – Dean searched through the cupboards before he sat down and scribbled down what they needed. Cas was helping Kevin with the dishes and Sam decided to do some laundry.

Kevin mentioned that he still had a headache and Cas looked up. "You too? Mine is manageable, though. I had nothing else to do while I was waiting for Dean but to get drunk. Bad idea." Kevin chuckled a little and squinted. "We did too. Me and Sam got drunk also. And I have never..." He shook his head. "I drank a lot. I'm lucky it isn't worse."

They both turned as Dean got up and announced that the list was ready. "Where's Sam?" He went and got himself a cup of coffee before he sat down again. Seconds later Sam came from the laundry room. He was carrying a load of clean clothes in a small tub. "Can you guys fold them while we're gone?" He looked at Dean and put the tub on the table. "It's mostly your clothes anyway."

Dean nodded and walked over to Sam who had now grabbed the pen and the list. "We need detergent too." He added it to the list before he chewed on the pen for a moment. "Probably some shampoo and..., and we should buy a few more towels."

They were done with the dishes and Kevin nudged Castiel. "I'm going with him. With Sam to the store," he whispered. "You get to be alone with Dean." He smiled but Castiel just looked down and shrugged. "Yeah." He didn't sound as pleased as Kevin would have expected. "What? Aren't you happy about that?"

Castiel shrugged again. "Well yeah, but... you know... I don't know if..." He sighed. "I'm a little worried. Dean is..." Kevin cut him off. "It was Dean's suggestion. He wants to be alone with you." They both startled when Sam cleared his throat. He was standing right in front of them and had obviously heard Kevin's words. He didn't comment on it but just held up the car keys and gestured for Kevin to come.

 

-v-v-v-

 

As soon as Kevin and Sam were out the door Dean started sorting the clothes in the tub. Castiel padded over to him and picked a t-shirt out. He was slightly disappointed that Dean focused so intently on this task. "I can help," he stated looking up quickly. Dean nodded and for a few minutes they didn't utter a word.

When they both reached for the same shirt their hand touched briefly. Dean startled a little and pulled his hand away. Then he sighed and grabbed Cas' wrist. "Come here." He pushed the tub away and lead Cas around the corner of the table. "Come."

It felt like Castiel's stomach made a somersault inside him. He took the two small steps towards Dean and closed his eyes. When he felt Dean's arms wrap around him and his lips on the neck right below the ear, Cas's knees went weak and he had to grab on to the table to keep himself up.

Dean's mouth moved over Cas' cheek and when it brushed over his lips he opened them slightly. The sensation from the shower came back in an instant when Dean's tongue played with his. The urge to touch his own throbbing penis was overwhelming but he didn't really understand why.

A moan escaped Dean and without warning he turned them so Cas had his butt against the edge of the table. Then he pushed his crotch forward and let their cocks grind together through the fabric of their jeans. Cas couldn't pull away even if he wanted to, he was stuck between Dean and this big piece of furniture.

Dean kept kissing him all over his face and neck as he rocked against the table. "Cas," he whispered hoarsely. "I don't know what..." He pulled back a little before he continued. His right hand moved over to the button on Cas' jeans. "...how to proceed."

That was just a lie. With a quick twist of his fingers the button was open and then he pulled the zipper down before he thrust his hand inside Cas' pants. Castiel hitched his breath when he felt Dean's fingers wrap around his cock. "Yes..." Cas panted. He became slightly dizzy when it felt like all his blood rushed towards his crotch.

The sensation was overwhelming. Cas could almost not breathe. Dean was gently tugging his cock and it didn't take long before Cas started to get a weird tingle down there. It was almost like when he needed to pee but better and instead his testicles tightened and sperm squirted out in sync with his heavy breathing. Dean had to hold him up when his legs couldn't carry him any longer. He clung to the table with one hand and squeezed around Dean's arm with the other. Cas wanted to say something but no words could describe this.

"I guess we have to do some laundry again." Dean chuckled a little nervously into Cas' ear. He let go of the cock and lifted his hand to let his finger run over Cas' cheek. It was a little wet and sticky. "Let's get you in the shower."


	12. Home is where your heart is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is slowly getting used to being a human. Dean has finally let down his guard but little things still makes Cas nervous. Kevin worries about him and Sam worries about Crowley and the fallen angels. Love and pie and fluff and a little bit of smut.

Sam adjusted the seat a little while he was waiting for Kevin to get in the car. Leaving Dean and Castiel alone in the bunker made him slightly uncomfortable. He didn't know what he was more disturbed about. The thought of them cuddled up doing... things... or the fact that he knew his brother well enough to worry about him screwing up the relationship once more.

It was obvious that Kevin shared his thoughts but unlike Sam the boy ranted on about it as soon as his butt was in the passenger seat. "You sure they'll be okay? That Cas will be okay?" He gave Sam a quick peek.. "Sorry, but I don't trust your brother. I wouldn't put it past him to push Cas away again."

Sam had no urge to comment on that and it didn't seem like Kevin expected him too either. "I mean... Dean is such an idiot. Sorry." He shrugged a little. "I know he's your brother and all but you have to admit...Hey, where are we going?" He looked at Sam as they drove through the little town. "Aren't we just getting supplies? There was a store."

Sam chuckled humorlessly. "We're trying to keep a low profile. This town is too small. We'll get questions." He kept going and turned to Kevin giving him a smile. "And anyway... I want to postpone going back."

A burst of laughter from his passenger made Sam look at him with a frown. "Not funny." He shook his head and sighed. "Let them talk it out. Let them find out where they're going from here. I think they need time."

Kevin huffed and shifted a little in his seat. "Maybe Dean needs time. Castiel has no doubts about this." He cleared his throat. "And you know what? I don't think you're being honest either. You're afraid to walk in on them doing..." Sam lifted his hand to stop Kevin. He didn't want to hear it.

"Maybe so, but can we please change the subject? I admit it... it's a little uncomfortable but I... I'm trying here." He sighed. "Honestly, I think I can handle this given time. I'm the one who needs time."

-v-v-v-

In the bunker Castiel was walking back and forth in Dean's room – their room. Dean had asked him to get out of the soiled clothes and then he'd disappeared. Castiel undressed and without anything else to put on he paced around naked. Dean had now been gone for more than fifteen minutes and Cas started to worry. It was a little chilly so he wrapped himself in the blanket and sat down on the bed.

"This is taking too long," he thought as he stared at the door. He wondered if Dean had chickened out again and felt tears piling up in his eyes. Maybe Dean expected him to take a shower by himself? If so, it was very disappointing. A tear ran down his cheek and Cas lifted his hand to wipe it away. He had just started to believe that things had changed but now the knot in his gut came back again.

Castiel lied down on the bed and cried silently into the pillow. "How can he do this to me? He promised," he whispered to himself as the pillow got soaked in tears. He startled a little when he heard the door open and he did his best to compose himself.

The sound of footsteps coming towards him made him tense up a bit. Dean would come over and tell him that it was over – again. Instead of saying anything Dean sat down on the edge of the bed and stroke Cas' hair. He leaned over and forced Cas to turn his head. The soft smile that Cas could see a glimpse of faded instantly. "Cas, you're crying. Why are you crying?" Dean's hand moved to Castiel's cheek and with his thumb he wiped a lingering tear away.

Castiel sniffled a little and dug his face back into the pillow. "Are you coming to tell me that... that it's over. That you can't..." He wasn't sure if Dean could hear him through the sobs and the fact that the words was muffled by the pillow.

A painstaking few second of silence followed before Dean pushed him over on his back and looked at him startled. "No, Cas. How can you think that? Oh..." He covered his face with his hands. "I understand. I've been such a jerk. But NO! I came to get you." He leaned over and kissed another lingering tear away. "If you'd known exactly what I want to do with you right now it would scare the hell out of you, but for other reasons than you think."

Dean's hand disappeared under the blanket and a finger ran down Castiel's chest. "I want to..." He sighed and covered his face with the other hand again. "Oh Cas, I can't even say it." He chuckled a little nervously and Cas closed his eyes. "I think I know and I'm not scared." Under the blanket he grabbed Dean's hand and laced their fingers together. "It's just a matter of taking it slow."

-v-v-v-

Kevin jumped out of the car and ran to the entrance of the store. He was sure that this was how it felt like to get out of jail. The moment he got out of the houseboat was nothing compared to this. Back then he'd been scared out of his mind and didn't feel completely free. Looking around at the other shoppers Kevin felt invigorated and happy.

His only concern at the moment was how Castiel was doing. Kevin tried not to think about it as he waited patiently for Sam to catch up with him. The fallen angels, and the fact that they could be out looking for revenge, didn't bother him one bit.

Sam seemed a little more tentative. He scanned the parking-lot before he grabbed a cart and hurried towards the sliding doors. "Okay, let's get it over with." He sounded a little distressed and Kevin patted his shoulder. "Don't worry. What happens happens. I'm sure fate is on our side."

Sam frowned a little and threw a quick peek over his shoulder. "Hope you're right. It's just..." He sighed. "I'm thinking about Crowley. We left him hanging. He could be searching for us." He shrugged and walked fast into the store to sort of hide between the shelves.

Kevin ran after him and gave him a frown. "You had to remind me about him, didn't you?" Kevin scrunched his face. "I told myself not to worry about him, but of course..." He sighed and continued. "How about this? We pretend that we are... like... normal people shopping for our family. No care in the world?" He tilted his head and gave Sam a crooked smile. Sam huffed and turned away but then he lowered his shoulders and sighed. "We can do that. We can try that."

Sam pulled Dean's list out of his pocket and read through it quickly. "Okay, lets go. Where's the beverage aisle?" The fact that he asked was obviously for show. Sam walked straight towards it as if he'd know all along. "Yeah, I've been here before." He explained as he started to pick a variety of beers off the shelf and put it in the cart. "Why don't you go to the dairy aisle. It's right there." He pointed and gave Kevin the list.

They spent almost an hour in the store and Kevin suspected that Sam was procrastinating on purpose. He didn't mention it. He enjoyed himself and didn't care.

-v-v-v-

Dean threw the blanket aside and pulled Castiel out of bed. He had to hitch his breath when he looked at the naked body in front of him. It was impossible to get a word out. Dean knew that his voice wouldn't work. Instead he just grabbed Cas' hand and walked towards the door. What Castiel had said in there under the covers had made him blush and he wondered if the guy really knew what he was talking about.

At the bathroom door he paused and turned around. "I... It's a little... I wanted to make it special." He opened the door and could feel the blood rush to his face again.

All surfaces in the little room was covered with lit candles. As Dean panned the room he knew he'd overdone it, but now it was too late to regret. Castiel stopped short on the threshold. "Oh Dean. Did you do this? It's... It's beautiful."

Dean bent his head down in embarrassment. This was so out of character for him that he for a second wondered if he'd taken on a new personality. Still in lack of words he just pulled Castiel inside and closed the door before he reached into the shower and turned the water on.

Castiel's eyes were shining in the flickering light from the candles and when his tongue darted out to lick his lips Dean was unable to cover up a moan. "Come." he practically quacked out gesturing for Cas to enter the shower. With his back towards him Dean hurried to undress. He opened the door slightly and threw his clothes out in the hall before he joined Cas under the streaming water.

He closed his eyes and reached for the shower gel mostly to have something to occupy his mind with. Dean startled when Castiel picked the bottle out of his hand. "Let me." He opened his eyes as Cas squirted some gel into his hand and put the bottle back. With their eyes locked together, Cas' hand came up to Dean's chest. "I can do this."

The guy was thorough. The gentle rubbing of his upper body almost made Dean breathless. Every time he thought Cas' hands would continue down to the ignored lower parts they moved up again making Dean squirm. He wanted to grab Cas' hand and force it downwards but braced himself and closed his eyes.

Eventually he felt a hand on his thigh. His cock – that was already rock hard – twitched in anticipation. Cas went down on one knee and rubbed soap down the length of Dean's left leg avoiding the crotch area. After playing a little with the toes Cas' hands moved over to the other leg.

Dean was not able to think very clearly but one thought kept popping up in his mind. Where did Cas get this from? Did he even know how his actions made Dean feel? Suddenly and without warning Cas grabbed his balls and caressed them gently. His other hand crawled up the back of Dean's thigh and ended up on his butt-cheek.

Dean's knees went weak and he tried to find something to hold on to. With one hand on the wall and the other tangled into Cas' hair he barely managed to stand on his feet. For a moment he thought he'd cum without even a touch to his cock – witch hadn't happened since he was in his early teens – but he clenched his teeth fighting it.

Castiel's hand moved in between the crack of Dean's butt and Dean could feel a finger on the puckered hole back there. It was impossible not to whimper. He tugged on Castiel's hair but nothing seemed to throw the guy off his task.

Dean's defenses was about to crumble when he felt Castiel's lips around the head of his cock. He pulled back quickly and leaned on the wall while Castiel's face got covered in cum. The now lukewarm water washed it away quickly as Dean sank down to his knees breathing heavily. Cas' hands came up to his cheeks and forced Dean's head up. Their eyes met and he could have sworn that, for a split second, he saw a smirk on the face in front of him.

It took a few moments before Dean had got his breathing under control. He was utterly confused by the skill and the boldness of what Castiel had just done. Those blue eyes were still fixed on his and all remnants of confidence was now completely gone. Castiel looked scared and vulnerable. Dean realized that his own face was scrunched up in a frown and could easily understand it if Cas got intimidated by it.

He relaxed and smiled. "Cas, don't worry. You... I don't know what to say. That was totally unexpected and... and... I love you." They practically fell into each others arms and then they just sat like that until the water became to cold for comfort.

-v-v-v-

The first thing Sam did when he entered the bunker was to shout. "DEAN, CAS! WE'RE BACK." He didn't want to walk in on them and figured it was better to alert them at once. Turned out it wasn't necessary. Dean was in the kitchen grabbing a drink and Castiel came down the hall busy drying his hair with a towel. "Good, so now we can get something to eat." Cas threw the towel over the back of a chair before he approached Sam to help him with the bags.

Kevin came up right behind him and together they carried everything into the kitchen. Dean came over and started sorting through the bags. "Did you buy the whole store?" He chuckled as he pulled out a few items and put them in the fridge. "And enough beer?"

It was impossible not to notice that Dean's hair was slightly damp too. Sam gave it a thought and realized that he didn't care anymore. If the two of them had been in the shower together it was okay. "I'm taking a leak. And I'm extremely hungry." As he walked away Dean shouted:: "NO!" Before he almost stumbled in his own feet trying to cut in front of Sam. Then he let his hands fall down. "Oh, fuck it, just go."

As soon as Sam entered the bathroom he could understand why Dean got a little upset. The room was covered with candles. Some of them still lit. Sam extinguished them before he peed and had to chuckle a little as he joined the others. "What happened in there? Did you have a vigil or something?" Dean blushed but didn't answer.

Kevin practically jumped forward. "What? Where? In the bathroom." He took off down the hall and Sam could see Dean roll his eyes. He turned to Cas and sighed. "We're never gonna hear the end of this, you know." A quick smile grazed his lips before he continued to put the food away. Cas stepped over to him and put a hand on his back. "You, Dean. You are not gonna hear the end of this. Me I'm... I didn't do it."

Sam watched as Dean lifted his hand and pushed a stray lock of hair away from Cas' forehead. "You did plenty, but yeah. It's me they're gonna tease." He leaned over and while Sam could feel his own eyes grow wider Dean planted a kiss on Cas' lips. Without turning away from his angel Dean lifted his hand and pointed a finger towards Sam. "And you! Just have to deal with this."

Sam didn't get a chance to react before Kevin seconds later came back practically hunched over from laughing. "Oh, so romantic," he managed to hitch out. "Should we worry about you guys setting this place on fire one day?" He stopped short when he saw Cas and Dean in an embrace in the kitchen. His gaze shifted from the two of them and over to Sam. He wasn't laughing anymore but he had a hard time covering up a smile.

"This..." Sam walked towards the couch and shrugged a little. "I think this means that you don't have to share a room anymore, Kevin." He sat down and had to chuckle a little to himself. It was okay. Everything was okay. Suddenly he jumped up from the couch and ran towards the stair. "We forgot something in the car."

Sam felt kind of invigorated by the fact that Cas and Dean's relationship didn't bother him anymore. It was still a little awkward but seeing how Dean dealt with it at the moment it was much easier to handle. Dean's reluctance to take a stand and give in to his love and emotions had rubbed off on Sam making him nervous and edgy. Now it looked like everything could work out nicely. He carried the pie inside and earned a cheer form the kitchen.

-v-v-v-

It was dark in the room. The little stream of light from the hall didn't provide much visibility. Cas was lying on the bed staring into the ceiling. He couldn't help smiling. The evening had been wonderful. After an excellent meal – which he had participated in making – they had pie and coffee. Later he and Dean had been cuddled up on the couch while Kevin and Sam was busy playing games on the computer.

Kevin was the first one to turn in and shortly after Cas decided to follow his example. When he got up from the couch Dean had pulled him back and kissed him. "I'll be there soon," he'd whispered before he got up and walked over to Sam.

Castiel figured that Dean and Sam needed a little talk after everything that had happened the last few days. It was obvious that Sam hadn't been too comfortable with this love-affair. Today had been different and Sam seemed to have come to terms with it all.

He could hear somebody walking down the hall and into the bathroom. Shortly after Dean was standing in the doorway. Cas couldn't see his face because of the light from the hall. It took a little while before he approached. There was a little pinch of pain in Cas' stomach but then Dean came in and closed the door.

Cas reached over to the nightstand and turned on the lamp. Dean was undressing and startled a little when the light came on. He still continued but it was with painstakingly slow movements. Then he folded his clothes nicely and put them on the chair. For a moment he paused before he turned and hurried under the blanket with Castiel.

They kissed and clung to each other like as if they had been parted for a long time. Dean pulled back a little and stroke Cas' cheek. "I want you so much but I..." In the dim light Cas could still see that he was blushing. He chuckled a little. "You know what to do." He stated firmly. "Just take it slow." Cas could almost hear Eric's voice in his head. The guy had been very helpful and Cas sent him good thoughts. What happened in the shower was a re-enactment of how Eric had eventually seduced Ronny.

Suddenly Cas remembered the little gift he got from the guy and untangled himself from Dean. "I'll be right back. Where's my jacket." When Dean pointed Cas could see it hanging under Dean's on the hook by the door. He sifted through the pockets and found the little bottle.

Back inn bed he handed it to Dean and smiled shyly. "Eric gave me this and told me to use it generously." Dean looked at it curiously at first but then he hitched his breath and peeked back at Cas. "Are you sure?" He looked a little nervous and Cas moved closer. He touched Dean's lips with his and whispered: "I'm sure. Just be gentle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This is the end. It's a little sad. I kind of like this story with all it's grammatical flaws. I am now handing over the last chapter and I may weep a little. This is goodbye for now. Goodbye to my Castiel Novak. I hope everything will work out for him.

**Author's Note:**

> So okay. My English s not the best. Bear with me. My intentions are good.
> 
> For those of you who cares: I'm a sucker for happy endings but can't promise anything.


End file.
